FLASH WILL NEVER DIE WHILE WE'RE ALIVE!
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AzureDragoonGX
Keni's line "At most he would be left behind" could be corrected into "If it goes to shit, he can be left behind", which I reckon portrays the possibility within the sentence more nicely, while also confirming the more aggressive, vulgar thoughts in Keni's mind.
If there's anything technical to add, maybe Zip could be shown struggling to sleep, with his eyes showing strain while remaining closed. He was bitten on the back of the neck (right?), so he probably is turning to the side to not let that take too much pressure too.
In addition, after Keni states the aforementioned last line, perhaps he could also give Mazurek a small punch to the shoulder, as if he's joking about it. Then when Mazurek goes to Zip, the last scene shows Keni's smile fading, implying he's willing to do that if the situation demands it.
Mejson
Well, I think that this sentence: "At most he would be left behind" (is meaningful enough) does not need to be changed, but with others you are absolutely right... you are right my friend... as always :)
After Keni states the aforementioned last line, he give Mazurek a small punch to the shoulder (smiling, as if he's joking about it). Then when Mazurek turns his face to Zip, the camera zooms in on Kenia's face, he slowly looks up (his eyes) and his expression grows serious (his eyebrows significantly droop a bit), and finally his gaze stops at Zip (scary_momment).
In the last point of this scene... yes, Zip is lying on his side (because he has a bandage on his neck) and the camera show his face - his eyes are closed (he has dark circles under his eyes), but suddenly he starts to move his eyebrows and eyelids restlessly (his eyes underneath they move), and after a while the camera zooms in even more on the Zip's forehead, on which there is a bead of sweat (done in great detail) that runs slowly down the dusty Zip's forehead (scary_momment).
Great ideas my friend, I'm impressed! :) :P
I think we no need more in this scene (and shouldn't be changed nothing more) - it's perfect!