@kruno5 Welcome; I hope you stick around as we continue this series.
For this scene, I think the dialogue is only thing that needs retouching. When Rash asks Mazurek "What is happening with Zip?" the latter answers with "Not too well", as if he's answering the query "How is Zip doing?"
If we'd like to keep Rash's question like that, perhaps Mazurek should respond with "Nothing good..." or "Something terrible..."
Rash is also speaking in a theoretical-sounding sense when he says back "He would get well because he has the best care." To make it more assuring/heartwarming and insistent, perhaps Rash should say "He will get better because he's getting the best care." (Also, I notice you described Rash's smile artificially. Does that mean he's not being serious about it? Because artificially usually means manufactured, fake, or forced as opposed to, say, genuine)
Finally, here are some refinements to the sentences that I think could be used that just solve general reading:
Keni: "We beat quite a big one. Come take a look!"
Rash: "I lured it in and dealt the fatal blow."
...
Havoc: "After 124 attempts, a successful trial at last. Now we can proceed to the second phase."
MariogD
@kruno5 @Mejson We were waiting 12 years for our first (and only :<) trophy :P
Mejson
Sometimes it is like that in life, but in the end it worked. :P