@Animetion24
- There is plan that Keni and Rash are counting number of ants killed by them like in the LOTR (Gimli vs Legolas). In the previous scene Rash told Keni that he 'dealt a fatal blow' so now score is 1:1. @Mejson if @Animetion24 did not undestand this, we definitely need to change that to be more clear of viewers.
- Agree @Mejson what do you think?
- There is plan that Mazurek need ants' skin (armor?) to create weapons/tools (or rather starting of creation) that the rest of team will use in the 3rd part. In this scenario Mazurek will be the main enginner.
FLASH WILL NEVER DIE WHILE WE'RE ALIVE!
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Comments
- I understand that it is unclear (this is not a very important topic) and how text would you change to make it more intuitive? I have no idea how to improve it.
- I believe that Keni would not help Rash stand up because he has such a character that he does not help others (to such an extent). He doesn't care too much.
- Exactly as @MariogD wrote, they are hunting Ant Zombies to make needed items (weapons and armor) out of them now.
Thanks for the ideas!
- I thought with @MariogD and you are right, we will change to: "Don't get excited! We have one kill each. You aren't winning yet!"
@Animetion24, you confirm the latest arrangements?
@Mejson Yeah, those revisions sit well with me. Go ahead. :)
Cool, so I'm closing this scene! :P
breaking 3 walls = breaking the fourth wall. ;)
The only thing I really react on is grammar, things like 'I see that you cardio is poor' would be 'I see that your cardio is poor'. Is grammatical stuff something I should comment on though...?
Been skimming through the other chapters and it all seems promising! The intensity's there right from the start...
OK, I'm correcting already!
I'm very happy that you are here! :)
How was the trip?
Have you rested from your computer?
Yes! I think you especially my friend should take care of grammatical stuff because I think you rock! :P :P :P
Hey, sorry for not responding here earlier too, had around 300 notifications in my feed so I've been stalling with getting back to it a bit. :P Trip was good but I'm not back entirely as you know Not really rested enough but maybe with that final stretch!
Thank you man. :) I'll keep on commentin' on that then.
Cool, still waiting for your more activity! :)
Me too!
AzureDragoonGX
Aside from some dialogue adjustments, I think this scene works just fine too. The first one where Rash says "And so there is a draw" I am a bit unclear on though; is he indicating that they have been keeping track of their kill counts up to this point and Rash acknowledges that they are currently even? It seems as though he's talking instead about the damage they have done to this particular ant, but if so Keni probably won there; after all, Rash was just a diversion. :J
Maybe we could have Keni and Rash also roll their eyes at Mazurek's snark and then wrap arm shoulders before the snide remarks they have for each other, with Rash pushing him off after Keni insults his cardio too. It would probably illustrate the expressions in the scene a lot more.
This final thing, it's not necessarily for this scene but for future parts. Are you saving acid and spitting ants for something good later? I think the Heroes could start making through with revamps to the standard enemies they've been facing now that they seem to be able to defeat them in any way that isn't a complete ambush (which eventually, the Heroes too ought to be able to find ways to prevent).