Mejson 2020-08-25 09:40:26

Scene 9 - Funny Situation - do you like the title? @MariogD (my brother) claims a weak XD

Cyberdevil 2020-08-25 11:52:04

Do like the title, and good dialog with this one. :) Grammar check/possible improvements...

"Give me one more minute"
"I'm sorry, it was an accident..."
"Can you give that to me?"
"Why are you making it so small?!"
"It isn't my fault you ate so many steroids that you can't fit in anything" or "It isn't my fault that you ate so many steroids you can't fit in anything"
"...and what are you laughing at, skinny?!" or "...and why are you laughing, skinny?!"

AzureDragoonGX 2020-08-26 09:42:36

This scene looks pretty good; got nothing technical to add. Maybe just the final sentences can use some touching up:

Keni: "Quite funny you smart nerd" -> "Very funny, smartass."
Keni: "It's because of muscles" -> "It's because of my muscles."

Mejson 2020-08-26 14:17:02

I close this scene! :)