FLASH WILL NEVER DIE WHILE WE'RE ALIVE!
Age 38, Male
Senior Software QA
Second degree IT studies
Kozienice, Poland
Joined on 7/27/08
@Animetion24 seems you're taking over the grammar checks. :) Improvements and all too.
Just dug up a few more:
"You had to, haven't you?" > "You had to, didn't you?"
"I'm counting on Nobel Prize!" > "I'm counting on a/the Nobel Prize!"
"The last thing we should do is to sell something to army!" > "The last thing we should do is to sell something to the army!"
Ok I corrected!
Good scene too.
I change it:
Mejson: "...And then we will save many human beings" -> " "...And then we will save many human lives"
Havoc: "Don't be such idealist!" -> "Don't be so idealist!"
@Cyberdevil, Animetion24@ thank you for your help! :)
Bott*: "Yeah! Just bring me vodka or cheap wine - whatever!"
What you're hinting at, Bott*? XD
@Mejson I'm not quite sure.. That's what I thought after reading scene description.. I think that points 3, 4, 5 captivated me..
AzureDragoonGX
Two small additions, then some dialog corrections as far as I can see.
Mazurek could probably be leaving the conversation with Keni and Rash lamenting the fact that he no longer has his wine (as was his signature in the CS days), along the lines of "*sigh* It's been too long since I had some good wine..." And the sentence blurs out as the camera focuses on Zip going back to an old memory.
Inside the memory, when Havoc starts to have his outrage with the other conference members and he looks to Don Pawelo, you probably had in mind that the latter wasn't keen on the whole army idea either, but to best represent that, we should either have him calmly shake his head (if he's more confident against Havoc) or act surprised with raised shoulders upon getting Havoc's stare and then rolling his eyes away to avoid contact (if he isn't).
Now for dialog:
Mejson: "... And then we will save many human beings" -> "... With this, we will save so many human lives."
Havoc: "And will we get out of it?" -> "And what might we get out of it?"
Havoc: "Don't be such idealist!" -> "Don't be so idealistic!/Don't be so narrow-minded!"
Havoc: "I think all of us here deserve a handsome payment for this spectacular invention!" -> "I believe we should all be handsomely rewarded for this spectacular invention.
Mazurek: "And who would offer us this 'handsome payment'?"-> "And who do you think would handsomely reward us?"
Mejson: "I hope you don't mean (the) army?"
Mejson
Two of these great ideas - incredible!
Too much (I don't change):
Mejson: "... And then we will save many human beings" -> "... With this, we will save so many human lives."
Havoc: "Don't be such idealist!" -> "Don't be so idealistic!/Don't be so narrow-minded!"
Mazurek: "And who would offer us this 'handsome payment'?"-> "And who do you think would handsomely reward us?"
Mejson: "I hope you don't mean (the) army?"