And this is what I had in mind for the death screens…
Hero_Lost1:
Jimmy… A devoted friend. An unseen combat situation saw him gravely wounded. Only Mazurek possibly knows the details (but he refuses to say if so). Zip found he fell asleep at one point, and tended to him. But he never woke up again.
He will be remembered as a great acquaintance. And a reminder to the team to always find a way to live on in his memory.
Hero_Lost2:
Jason… A bloodthirsty, unscrupulous ally. His strength was matched only by his aggression and general repugnance. Still, he fought for the team until the bitter end. Which came when he took down a tall mantis. Impact with the ground as the beast fell instantly killed him.
His death struck a major chord on everyone - the one most fit for survival, dead. But the team will do their best not to waste the chance he gave them.
Hero_Lost3:
Ronny… Likely a great friend. Like Jimmy, he too faced a battle that he was terribly wounded in. Zip could only make his inevitable death peaceful, and in the company of good allies. Not too long after, his bed was empty…
While a loss to everyone, Zip was very impacted by his death. It will be very tragic if he cannot fully move on from his best friend’s passing.
Hero_Lost4:
Steve… A fierce, wonderful friend. Savoring the hunt much like Jason, he got ambushed by a new, tougher enemy and eventually got overwhelmed. It wasn’t one and done, though… Steve technically lived on, without any of the humanity that actually made him Steve. Such a disrespect to him…
Another powerful ally has fallen, and with it the morale of the ones who lived. Mejson though, saw another great friend die, and it devoured yet another piece of his delicate psyche.
Hero_Lost5:
Conrad… An adept ranger ally. During the fight after Steve’s death, Conrad too was ambushed, and had only an instant to notice before he was killed. Two pieces of him were on the ground once it was over a second later.
His passing certainly will strike further fear into the survivors’ hearts against their dangerous foes. Especially since he wasn’t the only one in this exchange…
Hero_Lost6:
God-DL… A bright newcomer to the team. While retreating from the second ambush, he just wasn’t fast enough and got trampled by ants. He likely died painfully, fully conscious but unable to get back up.
He was the two in a one-two punch that broke Mejson so badly, he narrowly avoided certain death himself. Only his remaining allies kept him alive.
AzureDragoonGX
Two comments: one for maps and another for deaths. First, maps...
Map_Info1:
This’s the beginning of the story ->
This is the beginning of the story (Nothing rule-breaking, but “this’s” is rather uncommon, and likely for a reason)
being abandoned in an empty mayonnaise jar ->
Abandoned in an empty mayo jar (cutting space; mayo’s mayo, you know? Also after nature, let’s just have a period; like @CyberDevil said, too many ellipses is a writing tic that should be used in moderation).
Thanks to brother ->
Thanks to him, (The reader wouldn’t need a reminder of how MariogD relates to Mejson immediately after the brother line. :) )
Map_Info2:
finding your companions and warming up by the fire is the best what we have ->
Reuniting with companions and warming up by a fire will always be the best (last part is a bit awkward. And reuniting would fit more for the survivors, who are both looking for each other)
At last a moment of respite, an opportunity to heal wounds and dress yourself with simple, primitive materials (because only such materials can be found in the area). Time to think about next steps. The first thought in your head is to survive... unfortunately, not everyone managed to survive... poor Jimmy... ->
A brief moment of respite… A moment to heal wounds, a moment to gather our thoughts, and a moment to arm ourselves with whatever we can. All for the purpose of survival. But alas, not everyone will make it. Sleep well, Jimmy. (Retooled it to keep the theme of a moment - would read a lot more nicely, I’d say).
Map_Info3:
The huge obstacle in the form of a mantis forced the heroes to rethink their steps. ->
A gigantic mantis threw a huge wrench into the survivor’s plans.
The first time they spotted such a big and dangerous thing… This tragic situation was saved by the sacrifice of Jason. He immediately gave his life, so the rest could survive... This huge loss made the team very weak - physically and mentally. Moreover, Mejson lost a devoted friend and maybe even comrade-in-arms... ->
It was only through Jason’s sacrifice that allowed the rest to survive an encounter with a massive, dangerous foe. Despite that, the crew was wounded - physically and mentally. Mejson took it especially hard; a devoted friend and possibly comrade-in-arms… Lost.
(Here is where I just rewrote over the paragraphs)
Map_Info4:
Rain rapidly approached - time to set up camp. The combined strength and ingenuity of the team ensured no other casualties. Mazurek’s shop skills and Steve’s unrivaled strength shined bright… Especially the latter, as Mejson’s morning spar with him showed.
Map_Info5:
Candy’s pure heart tamed a good creature - an ant. With this new ally, the team could move faster. But more importantly, they can scale their next obstacle, the stairs. The pet was not perfectly-suited for them, though; only a few could ride at a time, leaving the rest to walk. Could Candy could tame a whole herd?
Map_Info6:
A fortress… Finally a secure, supportive home. Two new groups found each other, doubling the chances of survival. Strength in numbers after all. But another loss was coming - Rowny suffered fatal wounds elsewhere. At least he died in his best friend’s arms. But Zip has to live with this death. And he might be hurting more than he lets on about it.
Map_Info7:
An unprecedented threat emerged - zombie ants! Upon initial spotting, they didn’t seem too dangerous. But strength in numbers works for them too. Steve realized this when many surrounding him. Mejson couldn’t handle another terrible loss and froze. Only MariogD’s insistence got him back on track.
Map_Info8:
After Steve’s death, nothing was certain anymore, meaning not everything can be prevented. In the early hours, the team fell for another trap. Twice the trouble meant twice the suffering - Now Conrad and God-DL have perished. Mejson truly lost himself there… He could very well have lost more than his eye if the team didn’t intervene. But it likely won’t happen again - the team has been split, with some advancing past the trap and others returning to the fortress.
Map_Info9:
The ones who broke through the trap reached a door; clearly one designed to keep out unwanted guests. The keyhole looked promising, but they would need to get up there first. An injured ant was out of the question, but not a very hungry caterpillar, provided the team could motivate it to their will.
Map_Info10:
The other group retreated. But to where? Could it truly hide them from the ant zombies? shelter them from nature? Is the fortress even safe anymore? Or will the grass have to make do? Everything about them will be explained in a special story expansion - Reduce 2 - Pass of Time. Look forward to the movie in the future!
Mejson
It totally puts it in your hands :P I changed the whole thing as you wrote :) I think you are amazing at it (my brother, @MariogD he thinks so too). You didn't answer my question. XD Do you want to correct the rest of the character descriptions after me, or do you prefer to write it yourself, @Animetion24? :)