ChordC 2021-12-14 11:20:32

Mejson: "How is Bill doing?"==> “How’s Bill holding out?”

Bott*: "I did what I could..." ==> “I’ve done all I can…”

Bott*: "He's stable but poison caused a lot of damage" ==> “He seems stable for now, but damn, just look at him…”

Mejson: "So we can only wait and pray?"

Bott*: "It's all up to his will to survive now" ==> Only time will tell…” or “Only fate can save him now…”

MariogD: "Will he be alright?" ==> “Will he make it?”

Bott*: "Well... that was the last moment" ==> “We were just talking about that”

Bott*: "You gave him a chance" ==> "The herbs that you two gave seems to have an effect"

Bott*: "You did a great job" ==> "Great job on your part"

MariogD: "I agree, we are awesome!" ==> "Of course! We're brothers after all!"

Mejson: <sighs>

MariogD: "What? We really tried our best"

Bott*: "Please be quiet, Bill needs some peace"

Mejson: "He is right" ==> "He's right"

MariogD: "I have more things to do..." ==> "Well, I got things to do, ciao..."

Candy: "Come here!" ==> "Hey! Come here! I have a surprise for you!"

Bott*: "I'm on my way"

Mejson: "Strange, Candy never behaves like that... He found a new friend" ==> "Strange, I've never seen Candy so excited like that... What's he up to now?"

Bott*: "Where are you, buddy?"

Candy: "Here!" ==> "Over here!"

Bott*: "What have you got there?"

Bott*: "Wow... amazing specimen!" ==> "Wow... a magnificent creature!"

Candy: "It's white" ==> "It's... it's white and fluffy!"

Bott*: "He won't hurt us?" ==> "Does it bite?"

Bott*: "Can I examine it?" ==> "Can I touch it?"

Candy: "What?"

Bott*: "Don't worry, I won't hurt it..."

Bott*: "At least I will try" ==> "At least... I'll try not to"

Mejson: "What's going on here?"

Mejson: "UGHH... Fuck!" ==> "UGHH... The fuck is that?!"

Mejson: "What are you guys doing with this damn thing?!" ==> "What are you guys doing with that damn thing?!"

Bott*: "Take it easy, I found out a moment ago" ==> "Calm down..."

Bott*: "It seems to be harmless"

Mejson: "But it still can be highly poisonous" ==> "It can be extremely poisonous you know!"

Mejson: "You know best what happened to Bill..." ==> "Have you seen what happened to Bill?!"

Bott*: "We can do the research" ==> "We can use it, for research"

Mejson: "What are you suggesting?" == "What do you mean?"

Bott*: "We have a unique opportunity to do something more than 'ironically' wait and pray" ==> "We have an opportunity to do something more than just, 'wait and pray' "

Bott*: "With this spicemen, andtidote for Bill is feasible!" ==> "With this specimen, an antidote for Bill is feasible!"

Mejson: "Ooh"

Mejson: "Great idea, Bott*"

Mejson: "Can you at least get those fangs secured?"

Bott*: "Me and Shevy are going to come up with something!"

Mejson: <sighs>

Mejson: "Give me a moment, I need to think"

Mejson: "Hey, man"

Mejson: "Are you still here, Steve?" ==> "You still here, Steve?"

Mejson: "I'm... free?" ==> "Are you free?"

Steve: "What's up?"

Steve: "I was in the memories sector"

Mejson: "What?!" ==> "What are you talking about?!"

Steve: "I was watching memories when your people have died... Jimmy, Jason,... and even me!"
==> "I saw your memories... The comrades that you've lost... Jimmy, Jason... me..."

Mejson: "How dare you?!" ==> "Please... Stop!!"

Steve: "Relax, I saw even your death!" ==> "You know, I even saw your death!

Mejson: "The Fuck?!"

Steve: "I'm kidding!" ==> "Relax.. I was just messing with you..."

Mejson: "What are we going to do with this spider?" ==> "Enough chit-chat! What do you think I should do with this spider?"

Steve: "What do you mean?"

Steve: "Raise it like yours"

Steve: "What?"

Mejson: "Candy was hiding it from me" ==> "He hid it from me"

Mejson: <sighs>

Steve: "But he took the initiative"

Mejson: "Yes, I know... he's growing up"

Steve: "Exactly!" ==> "So do as I say!"

Bott*: "And? Did you decide?" ==> "Hey, Mejson, you made up your mind yet?"

Mejson: "Yes, but..." ==> "Fine, you can keep it, but..."

Candy: "Yes! Thank you!" ==> "Yayyy! thank you thank you thaankk youu!!"

Candy: <sounds of joy>

Mejson: "Put it in a safe cage" ==> "Just put it in a safe cage"

Bott*: "Of course"

Bott*: "What's that?" ==> "Wait, who's that over there?"

Mejson: "What?"

Mejson: "Who would have expected?" ==> "<gasp>... Mazurek? Zip? "

Mejson: "You made it. You survived!"

Mejson: "I'm glad to see you, folks!"

Zip: "Yes,... we survived"

Zip: "But not all of us..." ==> "Not all of us though"

Mazurek: "How are you holding up, madman?"

Bott*: "On the mind?" ==> "In the mind?"

Bott*: <laugh>

Mazurek: <laugh>

Bott*: "I'm fine" ==> "I'm doing juuusst fiiinnee..."

Bott*: "How about you?"

Mazurek: "It was hard at times, but we survived it" ==> "Stuff's been rough, but we can manage"

Zip: "What is this?!" ==> "Huh? What do you got there?"

Candy: "Wait!"

Zip: "UGHH, nasty!"

Mejson: "Catch it!"

Keni: "What the fuck?!"

Rash: "What's going on?"

Rash: "Shiiit..."

Keni: "Wait! Don't fly away!" ==> "Hey! Come back here!"

Keni: "What the fuck it is?!" ==> "The fuck are you doing?!"

MariogD 2021-12-14 16:09:03

It was hard scene to plan. Firstly seems to be easy, only little fight about spider and come back of another crew. But it turned out something more.
Talking about Bill's terrible condition
Kicking out Mariogd because of too many people in scene
Fight between @SayMeBott and @Mejson about spider -> we changed conception several times
Greeting of old comrades.

Now we are waiting for @ChordC (thanks!) and @Animetion24 and @Cyberdevil inputs and we can update dialogues

SayMeBott 2021-12-14 16:49:51

@MariogD yes, the devil is in the details

And remember respect is everyt... i mean... apes together strong!

But seriously, the more actively we participate in the Reduce project, the better quality we get!
Thank you all (and myself) :)
@Cyberdevil, @Animetion24, @ChordC, @Mejson

AzureDragoonGX 2021-12-17 10:48:19

Hey guys!

Wonderful scene. Right off the top of my head reading, I don’t see anything I can suggest for revisions. I guess the extra time put into making that scene post-worthy was well allocated. :)

As for dialogue:
Mejson: "How is Bill doing?"

Bott*: "I did what I could..."

Bott*: "He's stable but poison caused a lot of damage" -> "He's stable, but there's critical damage from the poison."

Mejson: "So we can only wait and pray?" -> "Is there really nothing else we can do?"

Bott*: "It's all up to his will to survive now" -> "If he wants to live, it's up to him now."

MariogD: "Will he be alright?"

Bott*: "Well... that was the last moment" -> "We might've just pulled him from Death's door..." (A bit confused by this statement; I'm assuming you're saying that the team just saved Bill at the nick of time?)

Bott*: "You gave him a chance."

Bott*: "You did a great job" -> "Great work."

MariogD: "I agree, we are awesome!"

Mejson: <sighs>

MariogD: "What? We really tried our best"

Bott*: "Please be quiet, Bill needs some peace" -> "Quiet down. Bill needs his rest."

Mejson: "He is right"

MariogD: "I have more things to do..." -> "I'll see to some other stuff..."

Candy: "Come here!"

Bott*: "I'm on my way"

Mejson: "Strange, Candy never behaves like that... He found a new friend"

Bott*: "Where are you, buddy?"

Candy: "Here!" -> "Over here!"

Bott*: "What have you got there?"

Bott*: "Wow... amazing specimen!" -> "Wow... What an amazing specimen!"

Candy: "It's white"

Bott*: "He won't hurt us?" -> "And it won't hurt us?"

Bott*: "Can I examine it?"

Candy: "What?"

Bott*: "Don't worry, I won't hurt it..."

Bott*: "At least I will try" -> "Try my best not to anyway."

Mejson: "What's going on here?"

Mejson: "UGHH... Fuck!"

Mejson: "What are you guys doing with this damn thing?!"

Bott*: "Take it easy, I found out a moment ago" -> "Easy, I just found out moments ago."

Bott*: "It seems to be harmless" -> "It seems harmless, too."

Mejson: "But it still can be highly poisonous" -> "It might still be poisonous."

Mejson: "You know best what happened to Bill..." -> "Like the one that attacked Bill..."

Bott*: "We can do the research" -> "I'll research further."

Mejson: "What are you suggesting?" -> "'Research?'"

Bott*: "We have a unique opportunity to do something more than 'ironically' wait and pray" -> "If I'm right, we could do more than twiddle our thumbs for Bill."

Bott*: "With this spicemen, andtidote for Bill is feasible!" -> "Thanks to this specimen, we could make an antidote for Bill."

Mejson: "Ooh"

Mejson: "Great idea, Bott*" -> "That's awesome, Bott*!"

Mejson: "Can you at least get those fangs secured?" -> "But can we do something about those fangs first?"

Bott*: "Me and Shevy are going to come up with something!" -> "Shevy and I can come up with something!"

Mejson: <sighs>

Mejson: "Give me a moment, I need to think"

Mejson: "Hey, man"

Mejson: "Are you still here, Steve?"

Mejson: "I'm... free?" -> "I'm... Available."

Steve: "What's up?"

Steve: "I was in the memories sector" -> "I was in your memories archive."

Mejson: "What?!"

Steve: "I was watching memories when your people have died... Jimmy, Jason,... and even me!" -> "Watching the tapes on the recent fatalities - Jimmy, Jason. Even myself!"

Mejson: "How dare you?!"

Steve: "Relax, I saw even your death!"

Mejson: "The Fuck?!"

Steve: "I'm kidding!"

Mejson: "What are we going to do with this spider?"

Steve: "What do you mean?" -> "That really a question?"

Steve: "Raise it like yours" -> "Raise it like any other pet!"

Steve: "What?"

Mejson: "Candy was hiding it from me"

Mejson: <sighs>

Steve: "But he took the initiative"

Mejson: "Yes, I know... he's growing up"

Steve: "Exactly!"

Bott*: "And? Did you decide?"

Mejson: "Yes, but..."

Candy: "Yes! Thank you!"

Candy: <sounds of joy>

Mejson: "Put it in a safe cage"

Bott*: "Of course"

Bott*: "What's that?"

Mejson: "What?"

Mejson: "Who would have expected?"

Mejson: "You made it. You survived!"

Mejson: "I'm glad to see you, folks!" -> "You guys surely are a sight for my sore eye!"

Zip: "Yes,... we survived"

Zip: "But not all of us..." -> "Not all of us, though..."

Mazurek: "How are you holding up, madman?"

Bott*: "On the mind?" -> "No more screws are loose in the head."

Bott*: <laugh>

Mazurek: <laugh>

Bott*: "I'm fine"

Bott*: "How did you do?" -> "And how are you?"

Mazurek: "It was hard at times, but we survived it" -> "The journey was treacherous, but we endured."

Zip: "What is this?!"

Candy: "Wait!"

Zip: "UGHH, nasty!"

Mejson: "Catch it!"

Keni: "What the fuck?!"

Rash: "What's going on?"

Rash: "Shiiit..."

Keni: "Wait! Don't fly away!"

Keni: "What the fuck it is?!" -> "The fuck is this?!"

Mejson 2021-12-18 15:24:34

Along with @MariogD and @SayMeBott, we chose dialogues (sometimes ChordC's, sometimes Animetion24's, sometimes original). Thank you for all your help!

I will update the dialogs and it will be possible to close the scene.

PS. What do you think about those @Animetion24:
https://www.newgrounds.com/dump/item/613d8ba51534d050dee535ab71345be9

AzureDragoonGX 2021-12-20 22:39:40

@Mejson @MariogD @SayMeBott Hey Mejson,

Below are my edits. Nothing big nor plentiful, just making each sentence flow a little more with the next one:

This isn't over.

<pause>

Not even close...

<pause>

We lost many people.

<pause>

And we don't know how it will end.

<pause>

But we survived...

<pause>

We're cured and ready.

<pause>

We've been given a chance.

<pause>

We will press forward.

<pause>

We will never give up.

<pause>

And remember...

<pause>

If you can fight, then fight.

<pause>

Help each other.

<pause>

Be prepared for anything.

<pause>

Our war has just begun...

Cyberdevil 2021-12-24 07:41:58

Woo, Congrats @Plasmarift @ChordC and @Animetion24! :) Well worth the rewards there, and supporting NG at the same time! Nice incentive.

Cyberdevil 2021-12-24 07:42:00

This scene looks/sounds great. Sorry I didn't get to this one earlier, came down with a cold just in time for Christmas, but looks like y'all managed as usual. :) Hope you have a good break too! Merry Christmas! Looking forwarsd to what the next year brings here.