MariogD 2021-12-28 16:06:59

Fine, peaceful scene after previous reunite. Especially like point with experiments of our scientists. It’s seems that having a bit crazy @SayMeBott in the team is sometimes a problem :p

AzureDragoonGX 2021-12-29 11:29:23

Also a great scene. Only two things on my mind.

6. - Perhaps Zip could allude to the idea that he knows that Bott* seems a little detached, and also knows why that is, unlike the quick conversation about it between Delsin and MariogD?

So when Bott* asks if Zip is okay, the latter becomes a little ticked, saying "You're imagining things." Bott* doubts that, only for Zip to get more aggressive and says "I think you found some more hallucinogens before you got caught by the spider." Bott* realizes the severity of the jab, and then notes that Zip "has changed."

I think this would align very well with Zip's slip into grief and opens up the idea of bringing the loss of Rowny down the line, and how much it has affected him.

13. - After the conversation between MariogD and Mr. Mate, I think it would do well to have a (possibly silent) scene in which Delsin watches them as he reloads the spike launcher (having received the launched spike from Mate tossing it to him), squinted eyes, which echos his distrust of Mr. Mate.

Now for Dialogues:
Keni: "...And it's his fault"

Keni: "Especially yours!"

Mejson: "Come on, who could have foreseen this?" -> "You think any of us saw this coming?"

Mejson: "You surprised us"

Mejson: "You know perfectly that loss is unpredictable in our live, last times..." -> "You know perfectly well that in our lives now, losses are unpredictable."

Keni: "Oh, don't tell me..." -> "Don't remind me..."

Keni: "What do I care?"

Keni: <sighs>

Keni: "What do you need 'this' for?" -> "Now what do you need this thing for?"

Mejson: "Don't you know?" -> "Didn't you know?"

Mejson: "Our geeks are already working on an antidote" -> "The geeks want to make an antidote with its help."

Keni: "I means: 'for real'" -> "Why do you really need this thing?"

Keni: "Do you want to use that as a weapon?" -> "Maybe to turn it into a weapon?"

Mejson: <bursts out laughing>

Mejson: <tries not to laugh>

Keni: "Fuck!"

Keni: "That's not funny!" -> "That wasn't funny!"

Bott*: "Are you okay?"

Bott*: "You are somehow absent and silent" -> "You're surprisingly rather quiet and absent."

Zip: "You're imagining things"

{Bott*: "I don't think so."

Zip: "You must've smuggled some hallucinogens before you got webbed up."

Bott*: "Well, you've sure changed..."}

Zip: "Are you done?"

Bott*: "What?"

Bott*: "Ahh... yes, here"

Zip: "Too bad we don't have a laboratory staff" -> "Too bad we don't have the rest of the lab staff."

Bott*: "Any doubts?" -> "Are you having doubts?"

Zip: "I'm curious what's in this mutated venom" -> "There's no telling right now what's in this mutated venom..."

Bott*: "Indeed"

Bott*: "What if there are side effects?"

Zip: "Better not to mention them" -> "Best not to mention them."

Bott*: "I'm suprised, old Zip would tell everyone" -> "Really? The old Zip would've not spared a paragraph."

Zip: "Look at Bill, we have no choice"

Bott*: "All right. Let's keep this quiet"

Bott*: "What's next?"

Zip: "Everyone will get their dose"

Bott*: "Little experiments have not hurt anyone yet"

MariogD: "So clever contraption" -> "Such a clever contraption..."

Delsin: "Yeah, incredible masterpiece" -> "Yep. An incredible masterpiece."

MariogD: "Are you jealous?"

Delsin: "A'I jealous? No" -> "'Am I jealous?' Absolutely not."

Delsin: "You're getting excited more than you should."

MariogD: "You are snippy that you aren't the only one with such a toy" -> "Ah, you're afraid you're going to be replaced soon."

Delsin: "Suuure" -> "Yeah, right."

Delsin: "Hmm, looks like the trigger mechanism is very sensitive"

MariogD: "What?"

MariogD: "Whooops..."

Rash: "Are you fucked up?!" -> "Are you out of your mind?!"

Rash: "You almost kill us!" -> "You nearly killed us!"

MariogD: "Sorry! It's my fault!" -> "Sorry! My bad!"

Rash: <sighs>

Rash: "Moron..."

Rash: "I didn't miss this shit" -> "I sure didn't miss shit like this."

Mazurek: "It's nice to see that some things don't change"

Rash: "It's ready?"-> "Is it ready?"

Mazurek: "Just a moment" -> "One moment."

Mazurek: "Done!"

Mazurek: "Would you like to test?"

Rash: "Wow, that's impressive!"

Mazurek: "Indeed"

MariogD: "Sorry... are you okay?"

Mr. Mate: "Are you talking about this?"

Mr. Mate: "You think this thing could hit me?"

MariogD: "Well..."

Mr. Mate: "I know you think I'm a killer" -> "I know you think I'm some cold-blooded killer."

MariogD: "I don't think that"

MariogD: "I think you rock!" -> "I think you're awesome!"

Mr. Mate: "Thanks"

Mr. Mate: "Glad you don't think of me as a psychopathic killer" -> "Not too often I get to hear that coming towards me." (Since he did just say something like this a couple lines ago, I think we can avoid immediate repetition)

SayMeBott 2022-01-02 07:46:54

Guys! I had a long break, now I'm back in action o7 <salute>

Mejson 2022-01-06 14:30:48

OK, we're closing this scene. As always, thank you all for your help! :)

ChordC 2022-01-06 21:16:43

Sorry I’m late to the party, but I think you guys have made great improvements, I have nothing more to add.