MariogD 2022-02-08 09:10:51

Finally scene is over! I’m looking forward to see this scene animated
P.S the next scenes have to be shorter :p

ChordC 2022-02-09 06:49:12

Mejson: "shouldn't turn your back to your opponent" ==> "You shouldn't turn your back on your opponent"

Bott*: "He's resurrected!"

Keni: "What?!" ==> “The hell?!”
Delsin: "I knew you'd be back, Mr. Mejson!" ==> “I knew I could count on you, Mr. Mejson!”
Keni: "Why are you so happy?!" ==> “What’re you on about?!”
Keni: "I must hit him too hard..." ==> “Heh, must’ve hit him too hard…”

Mejson: "We're not finished yet!"

Keni: "You want more?" ==> <cynical laugh>, “Still standing, old man?”
Keni: "C'mon!" ==> “Bring it on!”

Mejson: "Heads up!"

Keni: "My turn!" ==> “ ‘that all you got, old timer?!”

Keni: <groan of pain>

Mejson: "You had something on face" ==> “You had something on your face”
Keni: "You're starting to tease me..." ==> “I’ll make you regret saying that…”
Keni: "You're done!" ==> “You’re done for!”

Keni: <moan of pain>
Delsin: "Nice one, Mr. Mejson!"
Rash: "Hey! That's cheating!"
Bott*: "Shut up, Rash! Mejson rocks!"

Mejson: "And who is predictable now?!"==> “Who’s predictable now”
Keni: "I hate you!" ==> “You fuckin’…”

Kein: "Die!"
Bott*: "Whoah!"
MariogD: "What are you doing?!"

Mejson: "You crossed the line, Keni!" ==> “You’ve crossed the line, Keni!”

Mejson: "It’s over! I'll take you down!"
Mejson: <groans of pain>
Bott*: "Holy fire, bless him!"
MariogD: "Stop this madness!"

Rash: "Don't be so pussy!" ==> “Don’t be such a pussy!”

MariogD: "Fuck off!"

Mejson: "Are you warm enough?" ==> “Feeling warm enough?”

Mejson: "I’ll wreck you, bitch!"

Keni: "I'd like to see that!" ==> “Looking forward for that!”

Keni: <moan of pain>
Keni: <groans of pain>

Mejson: "Are you done looking?!"
Rash: "How is that possible?!"

Keni: "What's happened?!" ==> “The fuck happened?!”

Rash: "Keni, get your shit together!"
MariogD: "Are you ok, bro?"

Mejson: "I've never felt better!" ==> “Never better!”

Bott*: "That's the spirit!"

Keni: "How lovely!" ==> “How marvelous!”

Keni: "What exactly happened to your eye?"
Mejson: "None of your business!"
Keni: <laughs>
Keni: "You'll never see me again!"

Mazurek: "I have bad feeling about that..." ==> "I have a bad feeling about this..."

Keni: <hiss of pain>
Mejson: <groan of pain>
Mejson: <hiss of pain>

Mejson: "Fuck! I don't see anything!" ==> “Fuck! I can’t see anything!”

Keni: <laughs>
Keni: "I told you..."

Mejson: "You sneaky motherfucker!" ==> “You cheeky bastard!”

Mejson: <moan of pain>
Mejson: <moan of pain>
Mejson: <moan of pain>
MariogD: "Keni, stop it!"
Delsin: "Get off him!"
Mejson: <groans of pain>
Mejson: <groan of pain>
Mr. Mate: "Enough is enough!"

Mr. Mate: "You wanted to kill him?!" ==> “You wanna kill him? You gotta through me first…”

Keni: "No, I..."
Keni: "We're leaving!"

MariogD: "Brother, hold on!" ==> “Brother, stay with me!”
MariogD: "It's my fault..." ==> “It’s all my fault…”

Delsin: "Mr. Mejson!"
MariogD: "Is he alive?!"

Bott*: "Yeah... he’s passed out" ==> “Yeah, he’s still got a pulse” (meaning his heart is still beating)
Bott*: "He's been hit hard..." ==> “He got massacred…”

MariogD: "Where the hell are you going?!"
MariogD: "We need you!"
Mazurek: <sighs>

Mazurek: "I can't leave these idiots alone…" ==> “I can’t leave those idiots alone…”
Mr. Mate: "Are you going to stay with these barbarians?" ==> “Are going to stay with those barbarians?”

Delsin: "Mr. Mejson, we will help you!"

Mazurek: "Keni helped me escape the ambush and he's right - time to move on" ==> "Keni helped me escape the ambush… and he's right… it’s time to move on…”

MariogD: "I understand…"

Bott*: "Good luck with them!" ==> “Best of luck to you, sir!”

AzureDragoonGX 2022-02-09 08:42:10

Only a suggestion for 67-69, when I was reading it through the first time, I was thinking Keni had Mejson in the full mount on the ground and was pummeling him from top position (hence Delsin saying "Get off!") I see 2nd time around it's a short-arm attack.

Is it out of the question to change that section into full mount? I'd say it is a more savage display than short-arm, which befits Keni well. Of course some of the scenery needs to change to make it work, like below:
67: Keni releases spear, runs at Mejson and tackles him to the ground. Mejson on his back, Keni gets past his legs to kneel on his chest, delivering a grounded hook to the helpless face. After Mejson's face returns, Keni then delivers a 12-6 elbow targeting Mejson's forehead OR Keni then delivers a hammerfist to Mejson's nose.

68: More of above, despite MariogD and Delsin's pleas, with Keni now adding headbutts. Keni then notices Mejson's spear next to him/in front of him, stretches to take it, and intends on running it through Mejson's head.

69: Mr. Mate takes away the spear as Keni brings it up as high as he can, and uses his other hand to pull Keni back to his feet. Scene continues as normal.

AzureDragoonGX 2022-02-09 08:51:50

Mejson: "You shouldn't turn your back to your opponent"

Bott*: "He's resurrected!" -> "He's got a second wind!"

Keni: "What?!"

Delsin: "I knew you'd be back, Mr. Mejson!" -> "I knew you had it in you, Mr. Mejson!"

Keni: "Why are you so happy?!"

Keni: "I must hit him too hard..." -> "I must've hit him too hard..."

Mejson: "We're not finished yet!"
Keni: "You want more?"
Keni: "C'mon!"
Mejson: "Heads up!"
Keni: "My turn!"
Keni: <groan of pain>

Mejson: "You had something on face" -> "You had a little something on your face."

Keni: "You're starting to tease me..." -> "You're teasing me now?!"

Keni: "You're done!"
Keni: <moan of pain>

Delsin: "Nice one, Mr. Mejson!" -> "Excellent job, Mr. Mejson!"

Rash: "Hey! That's cheating!"

Bott*: "Shut up, Rash! Mejson rocks!" -> "Shut up, Rash! That was awesome!"

Mejson: "And who is predictable now?!" -> "Who's predictable now?!"

Keni: "I hate you!"
Kein: "Die!"
Bott*: "Whoah!"
MariogD: "What are you doing?!"
Mejson: "You crossed the line, Keni!"
Mejson: "It’s over! I'll take you down!"
Mejson: <groans of pain>
Bott*: "Holy fire, bless him!"
MariogD: "Stop this madness!"

Rash: "Don't be so pussy!" -> "Don't be such a pussy!"

MariogD: "Fuck off!"

Mejson: "Are you warm enough?" -> "Are you warmed up?""

Mejson: "I’ll wreck you, bitch!"
Keni: "I'd like to see that!"
Keni: <moan of pain>
Keni: <groans of pain>
Mejson: "Are you done looking?!"
Rash: "How is that possible?!"
Keni: "What's happened?!"
Rash: "Keni, get your shit together!"
MariogD: "Are you ok, bro?"
Mejson: "I've never felt better!"
Bott*: "That's the spirit!"
Keni: "How lovely!"

Keni: "What exactly happened to your eye?" -> "How's your eye doing?"

Mejson: "None of your business!"
Keni: <laughs>
Keni: "You'll never see me again!"

Mazurek: "I have bad feeling about that..." -> "I have a bad feeling about this..."

Keni: <hiss of pain>
Mejson: <groan of pain>
Mejson: <hiss of pain>

Mejson: "Fuck! I don't see anything!" -> "Fuck, I can't see shit!"

Keni: <laughs>
Keni: "I told you..."
Mejson: "You sneaky motherfucker!"
Mejson: <moan of pain>
Mejson: <moan of pain>
Mejson: <moan of pain>
MariogD: "Keni, stop it!"
Delsin: "Get off him!"
Mejson: <groans of pain>
Mejson: <groan of pain>
Mr. Mate: "Enough is enough!"

Mr. Mate: "You wanted to kill him?!" -> "Did you want to kill him?"

Keni: "No, I..."
Keni: "We're leaving!"
MariogD: "Brother, hold on!"
MariogD: "It's my fault..."
Delsin: "Mr. Mejson!"
MariogD: "Is he alive?!"

Bott*: "Yeah... he’s passed out" -> "Yeah, just unconscious."

Bott*: "He's been hit hard..."
MariogD: "Where the hell are you going?!"
MariogD: "We need you!"
Mazurek: <sighs>

Mazurek: "I can't leave these idiots alone…" -> "I can't leave those idiots alone."

Mr. Mate: "Are you going to stay with these barbarians?" -> "You're going with those barbarians?"

Delsin: "Mr. Mejson, we will help you!" -> "Mr. Mejson, we're here to help you!"

Mazurek: "Keni helped me escape the ambush and he's right - time to move on" -> "Keni helped me escape the ambush. And he's right - It's time we moved on."

MariogD: "I understand…"

Bott*: "Good luck with them!" -> "Happy travels!"

AzureDragoonGX 2022-02-09 12:38:52

@Mejson That makes sense. I guess I was getting carried away with my fight fantasies ^^ as someone who writes more than a couple fight scenes using characters whose primary disciplines are BJJ, Sambo, and Krav Maga, I have an inclination for the fights to make it to the ground. That being said, most times the downed fighter is conscious and can block and/or get back to their feet, which would not be the case for Mejson the character at this time.

Eager to see this fight scene someday ;D

AzureDragoonGX 2022-02-14 09:31:54

@Mejson Hey mate, yeah, I'll get on that. Hopefully I can get you a brief synopsis by tomorrow.

AzureDragoonGX 2022-02-18 10:39:15

@Mejson
Note: This might be long for a narration, but there were a lot of long-term effects in Reduce III pt 2 that I reckon would need to be reminded about. Still, if you think I should cut some of this down, go ahead and say what could be condensed. Goes for you too, @Cyberdevil and @ChordC
Previously on Reduce III...

Bill's grave illness as a result of the most recent attack has quite an adverse effect on the remaining survivors, making the idea that they still know so little about the dangers they face come to the front of their minds. But that's not the only thing invading their leader Mejson's mind when a good friend recently thought gone decides to live rent-free in his brain.

The group splits up temporarily to gather the necessary ingredients in order to stabilize Bill. Mejson and Mr. Mate pair up to gather fresh water, taking on spiders in their way. Delsin and MariogD, with the help of their shiny new toys, hunt for the herb aloe, also confronting spiders. Bott* and Candy stay behind, the former to watch over Bill while the latter takes up defending the base - a task notably larger than any other he's been given before.

With everything they need, the team reconvened, hoping they were just in time to save Bill. And as a nice bonus, they were reunited with a couple of old friends and effective allies, in the form of Zip, Mazurek, Keni, and Rash. Also, thanks to Candy, they might've just found a means to cure Bill when he befriended an albino spider, which Bott* believes can be studied well.

But the levity would be short-lived. Despite his skills and contributions as well as MariogD's endorsement, Delsin remains unconvinced of Mr. Mate's loyalty to the group. Zip has reached the angry phase of grief after snapping at Bott* from an uncomfortable exchange, and Keni and Rash both find the antics of the rest of team aggravating.

Egos ran high, and before anyone knew it, a rift was formed. And expanded into the night, when Keni and Rash attempted a split from the group just as quickly as they reunited. Mejson's attempt to pacify went on deaf ears, and after an underhanded insult, the leader and would-be leader came to blows. Back and forth they went, but try as Mejson and mind-Steve might, Keni had the last laugh, leaving Mejson a bloody mess on the floor.

Mr. Mate was able to appease the splinter faction from causing fatalities amongst each other, but that didn't stop them from leaving. Mazurek, who has seen them in action and supports their decision to move on, joins them, and once more, the survivors are fractured between each other.

Will Mejson be the same man as he was before, both psychologically and physically? Has this display also shaken the belief of even his best supporters? What would happen if the two teams ever saw each other again? Like the insects, the answers are out there...

ChordC 2022-02-20 06:48:59

@Animetion24 Couldn’t do it better myself, it’s a solid narration imo, we’ll see what @mejson thinks about.

AzureDragoonGX 2022-02-20 10:57:22

@Mejson @Cyberdevil @ChordC Ah in my haste while describing that out I skimmed a little too much. You're right, we can change that to perhaps "Try as Mejson - in all his forms - might,..."?

As for the albino spider, that color trait was rather focused on when it debuted so I reckoned it would do well to make sure it was distinct, at least as far as the viewer is aware of at this time. If you think it can be taken out though, I won't disagree.

AzureDragoonGX 2022-02-22 15:15:39

@Mejson @Cyberdevil @ChordC That's good to go.

Cyberdevil 2022-02-22 18:10:56

@Animetion24 Arriving a bit late here but that was great, wonderfully well-worded, love the end. I don't have any suggestions for changes, but maybe a missing word in:

of the rest of team > of the rest of the team

Cyberdevil 2022-02-22 18:12:33

This scene turned out way more intense than I'd expected it too! Adding in the element of potentially losing another eye at the end too... really adds to the sense of danger...

Wasn't expecting a rift like this but finna make it all the more interesting moving on...

AzureDragoonGX 2022-02-22 21:19:24

@Cyberdevil @Mejson Hey Cyber, yeah reading that over that is missing. Good eye. :)

Cyberdevil 2022-02-23 04:24:59

I don't think it's the FIRST time, but I am indeed. XD Feeling a little guilty I'm not involved more hmm...

Well it's just been a lot of different things lately, work and personal projects. My mom was in the hospital for a while last week too, severe allergic reaction it seems, so we were all a little preoccupied. She's better now though. :) Been meaning to respond there soon as they're recorded, hopefully any day now. ;)

Cyberdevil 2022-02-23 05:06:42

Thank you, hope so too. :) Yepp there definitely were more lines now. XD At least Candy shouldn't take too long, anyway hope to get back to you on those this week.

Cyberdevil 2022-02-23 07:22:21

A ride, as in a car ride...? Wonder if that phrase maybe has a different cultural significance in Polish. :) I can give her your best, for sure, if that's what you meant, though indeed I don't think she knows you yet. XD

Well I hope so! :) We shall see!

Cyberdevil 2022-02-23 09:35:06

Will do. XD But I'm curious, is 'ride' something else in Polish? Is there a similar word? I just understand it as 'drive'.

Ah well then give them by best too if there's ever a good opportunity to. :) My family doesn't know much about my presence on NG at all, I'd rather they don't get involved with all the content I partake in, as sometimes it's a bit explicit, but they do know I've been doing some voices, and vague details about some of these projects. I mention collaborators by place but not so much identity, I think they've heard of 'a Polish buddy'. :P Some day maybe more will be revealed!

:)

Cyberdevil 2022-02-23 14:38:47

Gotcha. :)

Yess, same. :) They are indeed! Though it's nice they are, I like old values, feels like everything was also a bit more 'honorable' when people were a bit more reserved; not exposed to just anything. Them times...

Indeed. :)