MATRVG 2022-04-12 14:42:05

Greeeaat! Thanks for letting people know that you're gonna work on facial hair. Also, I am very happy to be first candidate to this experiment! ^-^

Just in case, if anyone doesn't know, I am "Matt" character, not to confuse with Mr. Mate.

MariogD 2022-04-12 16:13:05

Nice!

Mejson 2022-04-13 08:10:31

@Colizza, sorry... I accidentally deleted your comment...

Answering - we will see what beard may fit which character, it may turn out that e.g. for a specific character no beard will match.

AzureDragoonGX 2022-04-13 08:57:03

Hey guys! Been very happy to see how acclaimed the latest film has been. Here's to some more 4+ star parts to Reduce ;D

I will hopefully be able to get onto my thoughts about this scene on Friday - might be further into the weekend, just letting y'all know I'm looking at it now.

Also you may notice that I just changed my username here on NG - I've been asking to be referred to as "AzureDragoonGX" for a while now, since I rebranded during my primetime on NG to now, but I only realized you could only change usernames as a Supporter. Thanks to Mejson for my 2nd Supporter status, and now permitting me to change it after I realized it too late the 1st time. ^^

ChordC 2022-04-14 12:02:04

Awesome mate, Loving the story thus far, though here is my proposal of changes for this scene:

Mr. Mate: "Targets neutralized"
Mr. Mate: "Easy money!"
Mr. Mate: "What do you mean, last mission?"
Mr. Mate: "What?!"

Mr. Mate: "Well... you will regret this decision..." ==> "Very well..." <angrily> (I think saying "you will regret this decision" on the phone is not appropriate for me)

Note, I think it would be better for Mr. Mate to hang up his phone before threatening whoever is on the phone. So the description would be:

'''
regaining his balance quickly (indifferently): "Very well...". Mr. Mate then hangs up the phone without waiting for a response.

5. Mr. Mate squeezes his phone, squints one's eyes, and says (darkly):
'''
(I think it does not make sense for Mr. Mate to be threatening his boss directly, he is sneaky and does not want any attention remember? He's my character so yeah :))

Mr. Mate: "I will be back soon..." ==> "We shall meet again soon"
Mr. Mate: "I will emerge from the shadows... behind your back..." ==> "You will regret this decision..." (I think this dialogue fits my character)

Mr. Mate: <sighs>

Mr. Mate: "Did y'all really think you could sneak up on me?" ==> "Y'all think you could sneak up on me?"

Mr. Mate: <bone crunch>

Mr. Mate: "Just right I have time, I'll be happy to tear myself apart... actually, I'll tear you apart..." ==> "Just in time, I was just about to make dinner, y'all want some?" (sarcastically of course)

Agent: "We've always hated you... what a pity we have an order to not kill you" ==> "Ha ha <sarcastically>, We've always hated you Mate... It's a pity that our orders are not to kill you"
Mr. Mate: "You aren't allowed or just can't?" ==> "Really? you're not allowed to? Or you just can't?
Agent: "You will regret it!" ==> "Don't get ahead of yourself Mate, hands up!"
Mr. Mate: "Yeah, I've heard that before..." ==> "Yep... Business as usual..."

Agent: <groan of fall>
Agent: "You asshole!"
Agent: <gurgling sounds>
Agent: <groan of pain>
Agent: <groan of pain>
Agent: <groan of pain>
Agent: "Shiiit!"

Agent: "Where are you going?!" ==> "Come back here!"

Agent: "Woah?!"
Agent: <hiss of pain>
Agent: "Damn..."
Agent: <groan of pain>
Agent: "Motherfucker..."
Mr. Mate: "I can do this all day..."
Agent: <a moan of pain>
Agent: "Fuck!"
Agent: <groans of pain>
Agent: <pain groan>
Agent: <pain groan>
Agent: "One stubborn son of a bitch!"
Agent: <groan of pain>

Mr. Mate: "What do you say for a little ride?" ==> "Wanna go for a little ride?"

Agent: <groan of pain>
Agent: <scream of pain>
Mr. Mate: <groan of pain>

Agent: "Already tired?" ==> "Tired? Need some water?"
Mr. Mate: "Not even close..." ==> "No thank you..."

Agent: <groan of pain>
Agent: "Crap!"
Agent: "My head..."

Mr. Mate: "There you go again..." ==> "Anyone else?"
Agent: "You monster!" ==> "You're one sick animal!"

Mr. Mate: "Yeah, whatever they call it..."
Agent: <groan of pain>
Agent: <moan of pain>
Mr. Mate: <breathing heavily>
Mr. Mate: <groan of pain>
Agent: "Gotcha!"
Agent: "I've been waiting for this..."
Mr. Mate: <moan of pain>
Mr. Mate: "I'll be back..."
Agent: "I don't think so..."

AzureDragoonGX 2022-04-15 15:51:52

Hey guys! Found the time. ;)

Regarding the threats on the phone call, I would by default leave them for only Mr. Mate to hear, but that's because we are only hearing half the conversation. If we knew that Mr. Mate's client was dripping with venom in what he's saying to Mr. Mate, then it would make sense that Mr. Mate was not going to hide any sense what he's going to do next to him. But since the viewer won't know this right away due to how the scene is presented, it's better to leave it out.

As for the fight scene, it's pretty good. Don't really have too much more to say about it, so I'll go right for the dialogues:

Mr. Mate: "Targets neutralized"
Mr. Mate: "Easy money!"

Mr. Mate: "What do you mean, last mission?" -> "What do you mean 'that was the last mission?'"

Mr. Mate: "What?!"

Mr. Mate: "Well... you will regret this decision..." -> "Ugh... Fine."

Mr. Mate: "I will be back soon..." -> "This isn't over."

Mr. Mate: "I will emerge from the shadows... behind your back..." -> "He's going to know what his enemies felt soon..."

Mr. Mate: <sighs>

Mr. Mate: "Did y'all really think you could sneak up on me?" -> "Did y'all think you could sneak up on me?"

Mr. Mate: <bone crunch>

Mr. Mate: "Just right I have time, I'll be happy to tear myself apart... actually, I'll tear you apart..." -> "Right on time. Shall I put on some cool jazz for our dance?" (Chord's dinner line works really well too.)

Agent: "We've always hated you... what a pity we have an order to not kill you" -> "We've always hated you, Mate. It's a pity we have orders not to kill you."

Mr. Mate: "You aren't allowed or just can't?" -> "'Ordered not to?' Don't you mean 'unable to?'"

Agent: "You will regret it!" -> "Don't get ahead of yourself!"

Mr. Mate: "Yeah, I've heard that before..." -> "Don't lose your head!"

Agent: <groan of fall>
Agent: "You asshole!"
Agent: <gurgling sounds>
Agent: <groan of pain>
Agent: <groan of pain>
Agent: <groan of pain>
Agent: "Shiiit!"

Agent: "Where are you going?!" -> "Get back over here!"

Agent: "Woah?!"
Agent: <hiss of pain>
Agent: "Damn..."
Agent: <groan of pain>
Agent: "Motherfucker..."
Mr. Mate: "I can do this all day..."
Agent: <a moan of pain>
Agent: "Fuck!"
Agent: <groans of pain>
Agent: <pain groan>
Agent: <pain groan>

Agent: "One stubborn son of a bitch!" -> "You stubborn son of a bitch!"

Agent: <groan of pain>

Mr. Mate: "What do you say for a little ride?" -> "Would you like a quick joyride?" (Chord's line works too)

Agent: <groan of pain>
Agent: <scream of pain>
Mr. Mate: <groan of pain>

Agent: "Already tired?" -> "Need a breather?"

Mr. Mate: "Not even close..." -> "Asking for me, or for you?"

Agent: <groan of pain>
Agent: "Crap!"
Agent: "My head..."

Mr. Mate: "There you go again..." -> "Who's next?"

Agent: "You monster!" -> "You're a goddamn monster!"

Mr. Mate: "Yeah, whatever they call it..." -> "If I had a nickel every time I heard that..."

Agent: <groan of pain>
Agent: <moan of pain>
Mr. Mate: <breathing heavily>
Mr. Mate: <groan of pain>
Agent: "Gotcha!"

Agent: "I've been waiting for this..." -> "I've been looking forward to this."

Mr. Mate: <moan of pain>

Mr. Mate: "I'll be back..."

Agent: "I don't think so..." -> "Good - Means I can beat the shit out of you again."

Mejson 2022-04-16 11:05:50

Corrected scene - according to the guidelines.
Added in point 4 - simple texts for Havoc.
I'm closing the scene!

Cyberdevil 2022-04-28 08:10:06

Bit late here as usual, but it looks good to me! The prospect of facial hair seems intriguing, and more realistic. :) Nice to see @MATRVG as test subject number one for such a feature. :D

Lots of action in this scene, exciting progression. Seemed a little unexpected he gets fired just like that in the beginning - after what seems like a job well done, but I guess more will be explained on this later. The glowing red eyes... almost makes it seem like it's all a dream... intriguing to see what's next!