Yeah, we are very close to the end of planning!
FLASH WILL NEVER DIE WHILE WE'RE ALIVE!
Age 38, Male
Senior Software QA
Second degree IT studies
Kozienice, Poland
Joined on 7/27/08
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Comments
You like to say it again, huh? Thanks for comment.
I like this scene for presented duos: Candy&Bott* and Mr.Mate&Delsin. Well... three more left o7
Thanks for comment!
It's nice that you like it. Yes, two pairs. :P
Regards,
Mejson
Candy: "I don't like it" ==> “Eewww! Not this again!”
Bott*: "I know but… this is the last one" ==> “I know… but I promise this is the last one”
Candy: "See you..."
Bott*: "Yes, this is already the seventh test"
Bott*: "This time we can spice it up!"
Candy: "Now what?"
Bott*: "Time for the final test"
Candy: "Uh-huh"
Bott*: "Anyway... today we will try something new" ==> “Anyway… We will try something new today”
Candy: "New?"
Bott*: "It might be nasty, but..."
Bott*: "I would like you to recall the most terrible thing"
Candy: "I don't want to..."
Bott*: <sighs>
Bott*: "Are we friends or not?" ==> “We’re best friends right?”
Candy: "Yes, we are..."
Candy: "Okay"
Bott*: "Go back..." ==> “Good… Now focus…”
Bott*: "What happened... before" ==> “Recall your memories…”
Candy: "I see something" ==> I think I see something”
Bott*: "Yes!"
Bott*: "Don't stop!"
Bott*: "You will do it!" ==> “You can do it!”
Candy: "I see..." ==> “I can see clearly…”
Bott*: "Excellent!"
Candy: "He's bad..."
Bott*: "Well... yes" ==> “I agree…”
Bott*: "Don't worry, he won't hurt you"
Candy: "He's going to hurt him again!"
Bott*: "Huh?"
Candy: <breathing heavily>
Candy: "This feeling…"
Candy: "Never again!"
Bott*: "What do you want to do with this?" ==> “What are you gonna about it?”
Candy: "I'll stop him!"
Bott*: "That's what I wanted to hear!"
Mr. Mate: "What are you doing with him?!" ==> “Uhmm… What did you just do?!
Mr. Mate: "You have nothing to say?!" ==> “You got nothing to say?!”
Mr. Mate: <sighs>
Mr. Mate: "Very well..."
Delsin: "This is going to be a nice day" ==> “This is going to be a wonderful day”
Delsin: <sighs>
Delsin: "I was expecting too much..." ==> “I jinxed it…”
Delsin: "What do you want?"
Mr. Mate: "Likewise, you are in command now"
Delsin: "So?" ==> “Yeah, so?”
Mr. Mate: "I have something specific to say" ==> “I have a rather, worrying news…”
Delsin: "What? You killed someone 'accidentally'?"
Mr. Mate: "Bott* is conducting weird experiments on Candy" ==> “It’s… nothing like that… Bott* is conducting some weird experiments on Candy”
Delsin: "Yeaah?"
Delsin: "Since when do you worry about someone else's life?" ==> “Since when did you worry about someone else’s life?”
Mr. Mate: "What are you on about?!"
Mr. Mate: "We're all in this shit together" ==> “We’re in this shit together”
Delsin: "Really?"
Delsin: "I don't remember working together" ==> “You planning on disposing us once all of this over? Think we’re just a bunch of witnesses?”
Mr. Mate: <sighs>
Mr. Mate: "It was such a job..." ==> “Listen… I know I’m an assasin, but…”
*Delsin then abruptly ends Mr. Mate’s dialogue with:
Delsin: "That's why I don't trust you"
*I think this adds more dynamic
Mr. Mate: "We'll see what Mejson says about that"
Bott*: "Yes! Get it!" ==> “Yes! Smash that Thing!
Bott*: "See dear? He rocks!" ==> “See darling? Who’s the freak now?!”
Candy: <groan of pain>
Bott*: "Holy shiiit!"
Bott*: "Relax Candy!" ==> “Candy! Relax!”
Bott*: "You got him..." ==> “You got him good…”
Bott*: "It's safe now" ==> “You’re safe now”
Candy: "My head..."
Candy: "What happened?"
Bott*: "I didn't expect there would be such aggression in this kid..." ==> “Damn, I didn’t think he would lunge out like that…”
I like the concept, thanks for improving the dialogues!
2. Maybe Candy gives off a strained, but weak reaction to swallowing the next decoction? It perhaps could add further weight to Mr. Mate’s rejection to these experiments since Candy has not warmed up to them since being subjected.
14-15. Are we going to establish Bott* as obviously ignorant of Mr. Mate or is he just too distracted grooming Candy for success? If the former, the current script works out well. If the latter, I’m thinking after Candy asserts his fury, he will look around for a spear to train with, and when he runs by Bott* and Mate, Bott*’s attention is diverted and he points Candy in the right direction.
24. This totally works on its own, though when I was reading it, I was half-expecting Candy would end up breaking the spear he was training with. He takes a look at the half he still has, then back at the pole, throwing the remaining half at it and then continuing on with the scene. Candy ought to have the strength for it (I know the first Reduce character page stated he had weak strength, but now he’s on adrenaline; plus, CS3 intro shows him carrying 3 heavy weapons on his back at once. Side note, happy to see that coming back soon ^^).
DIALOGUE:
Candy: "I don't like it" -> “Eeergh, no more!”
Bott*: "I know but… this is the last one" -> “I get it. But I promise you this will be the last.”
Candy: "See you..."
Bott*: "Yes, this is already the seventh test" -> “Here we are - seventh and final test!”
Bott*: "This time we can spice it up!" -> “We’re gonna spice things up this time!”
Candy: "Now what?"
Bott*: "Time for the final test" -> “For this last test…”
Candy: "Uh-huh"
Bott*: "Anyway... today we will try something new" -> “Let’s try something new.”
Candy: "New?"
Bott*: "It might be nasty, but..."
Bott*: "I would like you to recall the most terrible thing" -> “I want you to recall your most terrible memory.”
Candy: "I don't want to..."
Bott*: <sighs>
Bott*: "Are we friends or not?"
Candy: "Yes, we are..."
Candy: "Okay"
Bott*: "Go back..." -> “Great! Now…”
Bott*: "What happened... before" -> “Reminisce on what happened before…”
Candy: "I see something" -> “I see… Something.”
Bott*: "Yes!"
Bott*: "Don't stop!"
Bott*: "You will do it!" -> “I believe in you!”
Candy: "I see..." -> “It’s coming together…”
Bott*: "Excellent!"
Candy: "He's bad..."
Bott*: "Well... yes" -> “Agreed.”
Bott*: "Don't worry, he won't hurt you" -> “Worry not, he won’t hurt you.”
Candy: "He's going to hurt him again!" -> “But he will hurt him again!”
Bott*: "Huh?" -> “Hurt who again?”
Candy: <breathing heavily>
Candy: "This feeling…"
Candy: "Never again!"
Bott*: "What do you want to do with this?" -> “”How will you prevent it?”
Candy: "I'll stop him!"
Bott*: "That's what I wanted to hear!"
Mr. Mate: "What are you doing with him?!" -> “What is this madness with Candy?”
Mr. Mate: "You have nothing to say?!" -> “Ignoring me, are you?!”
Mr. Mate: <sighs>
Mr. Mate: "Very well..."
Delsin: "This is going to be a nice day" -> “Things are looking up today.”
Delsin: <sighs>
Delsin: "I was expecting too much..." -> “I spoke too soon…”
Delsin: "What do you want?"
Mr. Mate: "Likewise, you are in command now" -> “I heard you’re in charge now.”
Delsin: "So?" -> “Yeah. And?”
Mr. Mate: "I have something specific to say" -> “Something worrying happened”
Delsin: "What? You killed someone 'accidentally'?"
Mr. Mate: "Bott* is conducting weird experiments on Candy" -> “No, but Bott* is experimenting at Candy’s expense.”
Delsin: "Yeaah?"
Delsin: "Since when do you worry about someone else's life?" -> “Since when did you care for the sake of someone else?”
Mr. Mate: "What are you on about?!"
Mr. Mate: "We're all in this shit together"
Delsin: "Really?"
Delsin: "I don't remember working together" -> “I don’t recall making blood money with you!”
Mr. Mate: <sighs>
Mr. Mate: "It was such a job..." -> “It was just my job, Delsin…”
Delsin: "That's why I don't trust you"
Mr. Mate: "We'll see what Mejson says about that"
Bott*: "Yes! Get it!" -> “Yes, clobber it!”
Bott*: "See dear? He rocks!" -> “See, dearest? He’s a natural!”
Candy: <groan of pain>
Bott*: "Holy shiiit!"
Bott*: "Relax Candy!" -> “Stand down, Candy!”
Bott*: "You got him..."
Bott*: "It's safe now" -> Coast is clear.”
Candy: "My head..."
Candy: "What happened?"
Bott*: "I didn't expect there would be such aggression in this kid..." -> “This kid has quite the beast locked deep inside…”
Regarding your comments:
Candy... hmmm, MariogD got it best: "Candy trusts Bott* so much that he doesn't whine anymore". This remark clashes with the plot assumption. Candy is slowly recovering from autism and he's less childish (at least in relation to Bott*).
Mr. Mate is visible when he wants to be seen... It's his special ability - he disappears and reappears when he wants to. It's an assasin, after all, and they were a elusive.
Why would he break the spear? He's a kid with mediocre strength. Adrenaline does not give you great strength. It was a joke in CS3, and it's a different saga anyway.
Thanks for your great ideas and improving the dialogues, they are great as always!
I close this scene! Great job, gentlemen!
MATRVG
Yeah, man. I never thought Candy would have act like other regular heroes, it was very big surprise to me.
As for CS.SiFvsSa2C Remake... yeah guys! I'm the one who will RE-animate it. After Line of Work Mission 1 is completely finished, I'll switch my focus on this incredible, our childhood and retro saga.
Let's see what awaits us in future, about Reduce, Line of Work and CS Remake. ^^
Regards,
~ MATRVG
Mejson
Thanks for comment!
What? No, no, no... I absolutely do not think it is possible to define loss of control and acting like a wild animal as normal XD
I'm glad to hear it (every time)!
We are sure to have a bright future and great achievements!
Regards!