Welcome everyone!
It's a next scene planning/draft - this time it's: Scene 4 - A New Beginning to Reduce 2 - Pass of Time - the first and also only addition to Reduce 2 XD
Scene 1 - Run and hide! - Approved!
Scene 2 - Our "friend" - Approved!
Scene 3 - A New Hope - Approved!
I'm a little tired, but I'm not giving up :P Come on, still fight!
Scene 4 - A New Beginning
Inscription (on black background):
Episode 4
Day 13
(~13 hours later)
8:21 PM
Action:
1. It's dark - the standing torches light up the room. Zip is lying on a makeshift bed (the same as they had in the fortress).
2. After a while, the camera slowly goes to the left - it shows the characters' small equipment (basket with spears, some collected materials: sticks, leaves and lianas).
3. Then the camera shows Mazurek and Keni as they mount a leaf that he makes for a curtain (the door to the new base). The silence is broken by Mazurek, a bit worried: "Do you think they have survived?"
4. Keni replies indifferently: "I'm sure they are fine" And adds: "There was this young and gifted guy with them. What was his name?"
5. Mazurek replies confused (becouse Keni not remembering the names): "You mean Delsin?". Keni: "Yeaah, exactly".
6. They finish assembling the leaf (door). Suddenly Keni looks seriously at Mazurk and says, "Even if they died, it changes nothing" and adds, looking down at the ground, "We still have to push forward".
7. Mazurek looks down at the ground, then at Keni and nods, then makes a terrified face (with only eyes) and turns his head towards the lying Zip and says: "I hope Zip will be alright".
8. Keni replies cheerfully / maliciously (perhaps to cheer Mazurek): "He will be fine", and after a while adds: "At most he would be left behind", then smiles and after that he give Mazurek a small punch to the shoulder (smiling, as if he's joking about it).
9. Then when Mazurek turns his face to Zip, the camera zooms in on Kenia's face, he slowly looks up (his eyes) and his expression grows serious (his eyebrows significantly droop a bit), and finally his gaze stops (scary_momment) at the sleeping Zip.
10. The camera slowly moves to the right and shows Zip lying down. Zip is lying on his side (because he has a bandage on his neck) and the camera show his face - his eyes are closed (he has dark circles under his eyes).
11. ...but suddenly he starts to move his eyebrows and eyelids restlessly (his eyes underneath they move), and after a while the camera zooms in even more on the Zip's forehead, on which there is a bead of sweat (done in great detail) that runs slowly down the dusty Zip's forehead (scary_momment). Blackout.
Light effect:
Dark (evening).
Dialogues:
Mazurek: "Do you think they have survived?"
Keni: "I'm sure they are fine"
Keni: "There was this young and gifted guy with them. What was his name?"
Mazurek: "You mean Delsin?"
Keni: "Yeaah, exactly"
Keni: "Even if they died, it changes nothing"
Keni: "We still have to push forward"
Mazurek: "I hope Zip will be alright"
Keni: "He will be fine"
Keni: "At most he would be left behind"
AzureDragoonGX
Keni's line "At most he would be left behind" could be corrected into "If it goes to shit, he can be left behind", which I reckon portrays the possibility within the sentence more nicely, while also confirming the more aggressive, vulgar thoughts in Keni's mind.
If there's anything technical to add, maybe Zip could be shown struggling to sleep, with his eyes showing strain while remaining closed. He was bitten on the back of the neck (right?), so he probably is turning to the side to not let that take too much pressure too.
In addition, after Keni states the aforementioned last line, perhaps he could also give Mazurek a small punch to the shoulder, as if he's joking about it. Then when Mazurek goes to Zip, the last scene shows Keni's smile fading, implying he's willing to do that if the situation demands it.
Mejson
Well, I think that this sentence: "At most he would be left behind" (is meaningful enough) does not need to be changed, but with others you are absolutely right... you are right my friend... as always :)
After Keni states the aforementioned last line, he give Mazurek a small punch to the shoulder (smiling, as if he's joking about it). Then when Mazurek turns his face to Zip, the camera zooms in on Kenia's face, he slowly looks up (his eyes) and his expression grows serious (his eyebrows significantly droop a bit), and finally his gaze stops at Zip (scary_momment).
In the last point of this scene... yes, Zip is lying on his side (because he has a bandage on his neck) and the camera show his face - his eyes are closed (he has dark circles under his eyes), but suddenly he starts to move his eyebrows and eyelids restlessly (his eyes underneath they move), and after a while the camera zooms in even more on the Zip's forehead, on which there is a bead of sweat (done in great detail) that runs slowly down the dusty Zip's forehead (scary_momment).
Great ideas my friend, I'm impressed! :) :P
I think we no need more in this scene (and shouldn't be changed nothing more) - it's perfect!