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Flash isn't dead... he's still alive in my heart... don't worry my brothers :)

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Reduce 2 - Pass of Time - Scene 6 (Planning/Draft)

Posted by Mejson - August 4th, 2020


iu_151651_2525285.jpg


Welcome everyone!


It's a further scene planning/draft - this time it's: Scene 6 - Opposite Emotions to Reduce 2 - Pass of Time - the first and also only addition to Reduce 2 :) I must admit, this scene consists of two slightly smaller scenes, but together they make up a fairly long scene.


Scene 1 - Run and hide! - Approved!

Scene 2 - Our "friend" - Approved!

Scene 3 - A New Hope - Approved!

Scene 4 - A New Beginning - Approved!

Scene 5 - Still Alive! - Approved!


However, I'm finish working on map template and all the necessary elements (navigation, icons and buttons) and adventure details template (for photos and descriptions, navigation). :P


If you want, you can see the project overview - I have already added (also .exe).


Scene 6 - Opposite Emotions

Inscription (on black background):

Episode 6
Day 15
(~1 day later)
2:16 PM


Action:

1. Mazurek is sitting next to Zip (he has a worried face), every now and then he glances to the right (fire with a grate - grasshopper) because he is guarding food.
2. Zoom in on Zip is covered and has convulsions, and a lot of drops of sweat on his forehead (he moves his eyebrows and eyelids).
3. Suddenly, in the distance you hear Rash's increasingly louder voice: "... and then I stabbed that nasty bug with my spear fucking deep" and then is hear Keni's laugh intensifying.
4. They both enter the room satisfied. Mazurek looks at them sadly - they both get serious, and after a moment of silence Rash asks: "How is Zip doing?" and Mazurek looks at Zip and replies (without looking at Rash): "Not too well..." and then he looks at Rash and adds: "Some antibiotics would be helpful".
5. Rash replies reassuringly: "He will get better because he's getting the best care" and smiles artificially at Mazurek, who does the same.
6. Suddenly, Keni bluntly says: "We beat quite big one" and then adds on his way to the exit: "Come take a look!".
7. Rash says excitedly: "I lured it in and dealt the fatal blow" (when he says this, his voice slowly fades and the camera zooms in on Zip's head).
8. RETROSPECTIVE_1 (sepia shades colors scene). Zip sits next to Havoc (same as in R2's last scene - Part II) in silence.
9. After a while, Zip yells: "Eureka, I finally did it!".
10. Then the camera on Havoc, who holds the dictaphone and says as if to himself: "After one houndred and twenty-four attempts, a successful trial at last".
11. After the chili he says calmly to Zip: "Now we can proceed to the second phase".
12. Zip steadies himself (seeing Havoc's professional attitude) and nods. Blackout.


Light effect:

Normal (midday).


Dialogues:

Rash: "...and then I stuck a spear into this filthy bug very very deeply"
Keni: <loud laugh>
Rash: "How is Zip doing?"
Mazurek: "Not too well..."
Mazurek: "Some antibiotics would be helpful"
Rash: "He will get better because he's getting the best care"
Keni: "We beat quite big one"
Keni: "Come take a look!"
Rash: "I lured it in and dealt the fatal blow"
Zip: "Eureka, I finally did it!"
Havoc: "After one houndred and twenty-four attempts, a successful trial at last"
Havoc: "Now we can proceed to the second phase"

Tags:

5

Comments (6)

Nice :D

Thanks, how did you find us? What exactly do you like, @kruno5? :P

@kruno5 @Mejson I find you in Featured News , I comment everyone's news post , I like getting trophies.

Okey, cool. I wish you to win your first trophy. :P

@kruno5 @Mejson @Mejson hehe thanks :D , Underdog trophy and Daily 1st place is my favorite trophy.

I like each one, I don't have a favorite. XD

@kruno5 @Mejson We were waiting 12 years for our first (and only :<) trophy :P

Sometimes it is like that in life, but in the end it worked. :P

@kruno5 Welcome; I hope you stick around as we continue this series.

For this scene, I think the dialogue is only thing that needs retouching. When Rash asks Mazurek "What is happening with Zip?" the latter answers with "Not too well", as if he's answering the query "How is Zip doing?"
If we'd like to keep Rash's question like that, perhaps Mazurek should respond with "Nothing good..." or "Something terrible..."

Rash is also speaking in a theoretical-sounding sense when he says back "He would get well because he has the best care." To make it more assuring/heartwarming and insistent, perhaps Rash should say "He will get better because he's getting the best care." (Also, I notice you described Rash's smile artificially. Does that mean he's not being serious about it? Because artificially usually means manufactured, fake, or forced as opposed to, say, genuine)

Finally, here are some refinements to the sentences that I think could be used that just solve general reading:
Keni: "We beat quite a big one. Come take a look!"
Rash: "I lured it in and dealt the fatal blow."
...
Havoc: "After 124 attempts, a successful trial at last. Now we can proceed to the second phase."

Thanks! I've already made this corrections, very helpful. :P
I will probably repeat myself, but I will say this: I appreciate your help!

part 1 is not worst , i love all stuffs :)

Thanks! :) I appreciate it!
I have the impression that people didn't like 'part I' and they only care about a brutal violence...