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Flash isn't dead... he's still alive in my heart... don't worry my brothers :)

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Reduce 3 - Scene 4 (Planning/Draft)

Posted by Mejson - 1 month ago


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Welcome everyone!


A few days and another Poster! It took a while, but it's here! :P


We will be adding a spider's web to the background everywhere. Such an ornament and the keynote of Reduce 3!


What do you think about it, @Cyberdevil@Animetion24@ChordC@MariogD@SayMeBott?


Regards,

Mejson


Scene 4 - Trinity

Inscription (on black background):

Episode 4
Day ??
(~14 hours later)
7:12 AM


Action:

1. Bill, Delsin and MariogD stand slightly out of breath and sweaty, having just killed two earwigs. Behind the characters (and earwigs) you can see old dirty rubber boots - the right side (fingers) is a habitat of earwigs, their beginning was in 'Scene 2' (left side (heel) from which the earwig jumped down to Bill).

2. Here is also some dry dirt from boots (as in 'Scene 2'). The camera zooms in on Delsin, who approaches the head of a larger earwigs (the abdomen of this earwigs is beyond the left edge of the screen), and then pulls the projectile out with a specific force (it jerks a little because the bullet is deeply stuck).

3. He rests one leg on the ground and rests the other on the insect with all his strength. The spear (ammo) pops out of the insect's body spurting blood, Delsin lands on the ground (with his missile) and curses to himself with discontent: “Goddamn...” Delsin is splashed with this insect's blood.

4. He stands up, cleans his face and says in disgust (bug blood is on him): "Just what I need". The camera go to the right and shows MariogD breathing with his mouth open for a while. Suddenly the smaller earwig is moving (muscle spasm anfter death). MariogD (reflexively / automatically) draws (quickly) an arrow from his quiver and shoots the insect.

5. Bill comes up on the right (indifferent and squint one's eyes), goes to MariogD and asks, "The Hell are you doing?!", And after a while, adds, "It's dead already!". MariogD, a little embarrassed, scratches his head and replies: "It moved!" (passive-agressive). Bill shrugs.

6. Bill turns to the right, starts walking and says after a deep sigh: "Dumbass..." (quiet, not exacly to MariogD but MariogD heard that) and add: "We're moving, people!” (he's bored). MariogD squint one's eyes (for a moment) and starts walking. Camera go to left on Delsin, he writes something down in its notes (as before), hides it after a while.

7. Delsin runs up / catches up next to MariogD (on the right). Camera zooms in on both. MariogD looks at Delsin and jokes: "That's not quite your color". Then he smiles maliciously. Delsin looks at him, then says, "You don't say". And then he looks straight ahead (indifferent and squint one's eyes).

8. The zoom camera out and three cockroaches jump from the old yellow raincoat (probably the presence of the heroes scared them off). One runs to the right and two to the left. The heroes aim at the worms, but they run away very quickly. Camera zoom in. MariogD shoots to one insect, but it didn't make a big impression.

9. The cockroach knocks MariogD over while escaping and stains it with green dust (possibly mold that was on the insect's legs). MariogD gets up quickly, cleans his face and looks at himself and says with disgust: "GAHH... Disgusting!". Delsin approaches him and says jokingly: "That's definitely your color" and smirks. MariogD squint one's eyes and next then smiles too.

10. Suddenly, Bill's malicious voice is heard (from the right edge of the screen): "Done over there, lovebirds?". Delsin and MariogD turn their heads towards Bill and they squint one's eyes. The camera moves to the right. Bill stand on a leaf (another plant in a pot, which it a little further).

11. He was climbed up on a withered leaf. Bill looks up and says, "Have you seen this?" He then turns his head and says, "Delsin, bring that map here!" He's looking up again. The camera moves slightly to the leaves of the plant. They are eaten because aphids (small insects) are sitting on them.

12. One aphid accidentally enters on Bill's head. He shudders in disgust and knocks down the aphid with his hand. <Sound of disgust>. Aphid fall under his feet, then Bill kicks it like a ball with disgusting. Bill curse loud raising his hands up: "Fucking bugs!". Blackout.


Light effect:

Yellow (morning).


Dialogues:

Delsin: "Goddamn..."
Delsin: "Just what I need"
Bill: "The Hell are you doing?!"
Bill: "It's dead already!"
MariogD: "It moved!"
Bill: "Dumbass..."
Bill: "We're moving, people!”
MariogD: "That's not quite your color"
Delsin: "You don't say"
MariogD: "GAHH... Disgusting!"
Delsin: "That's definitely your color"
Bill: "Done over there, lovebirds?"
Bill: "Have you seen this?"
Bill: "Delsin, bring that map here!"
Bill: <Sound of disgust>
Bill: "Fucking bugs!"

Tags:

8

Comments (3)

Glad to have helped you in the dialogue, I’ll see if there’s any feedback from @animetion24

Thanks for your help, @ChordC :) He will probably have because he always has :D

1-4 - Great opener, no changing here, save for dialogue updates below. I reserved Delsin’s opening lines to one curse; as a scout, Delsin has to be more than a little lenient to troubling updates to his current situation. It’s why he has strong nerves fit for one who often goes behind enemy lines and not get caught.

5-6 - “after chili?” Like calming down? Otherwise dialogue.

7 - After MariogD comments on it, shouldn’t Delsin go about cleaning off the blood on him, particularly if it his his face and arms? Otherwise good and dialogue.

8-9 - Good to go, save for dialogue.

10-12 - Also fine. Maybe I’d add Delsin and MariogD catching up to Bill on the same leaf, where Delsin would then produce the map and begin drawing. Bill might also comment to Delsin: “Don’t jot down that moment!” When mentioning the aphids.

Dialogue:
Delsin: "God dammit!" -> "Goddamn..."

Delsin: "For fuck's sake!" -> "Just what I need."

Bill: "The hell you're doing?" -> "The Hell are you doing?!"

Bill: "It's dead already!"

MariogD: "It moved!"

Bill: "Moron..." -> "Dumbass..."

Bill: "C’mon People!” -> "We're moving, people!"

MariogD: "It's not exactly your color" -> "That's not quite your color."

Delsin: "You don't say"

MariogD: "GAHH... Disgusting!"

Delsin: "It's definitely your color" -> "That's definitely your color."

Bill: "Are you done, lovers?" -> "Done over there, lovebirds?"

Bill: "Have you seen this?"

Bill: "Delsin, come and update the map!" -> "Delsin, bring that map here!"

Bill: <Sound of disgust>

Bill: "Fucking bugs!"

(Bill: "Don't jot down that moment!")

1 - 4. Ok.

5 - 6. "after a while" XD XD XD - Linguistic mistake :P

7. Face, but it will do it automatically as soon as hero get up (I forgot to add).

8 - 9. Ok.

10 - 12. The scene ends, there is no point in dragging it out.

Thanks for improving the dialogues!

Bill starting to come across as less friendly a character with this one, hope that's intentional, I suppose there might be some kind of confrontation between him and Mejson later on...

It sounds good, don't think I can see anything to fix here either.

Yes, of course it was on purpose :P Bill was too vague in character and we figured it needed to be changed. :P

Thanks!