00:00
00:00
View Profile Mejson
Flash isn't dead... he's still alive in my heart... don't worry my brothers :)

35, Male

Quality Assurance

Second degree IT studies

Kozienice, Poland

Joined on 7/27/08

Level:
52
Exp Points:
29,772 / 30,020
Exp Rank:
1,430
Vote Power:
9.30 votes
Rank:
Master Sergeant
Global Rank:
1,070
Blams:
2,689
Saves:
5,238
B/P Bonus:
28%
Whistle:
Normal
Trophies:
3
Medals:
254
Supporter:
1y 1m 20d

Reduce 3 - Scene 5 (Planning/Draft)

Posted by Mejson - 2 weeks ago


iu_430114_2525285.png


Welcome everyone!


It's been quite a few days since the last Poster. Well, mainly why that I felt bad (health problems). I feel better already. Additionally, this scene (Scene 5) is quite big because it's quite long...


Thank you @ChordC for your help!


What do you think about it, @Cyberdevil@Animetion24@ChordC@MariogD@SayMeBott?


Regards,

Mejson


Scene 5 - Macabre

Inscription (on black background):

Episode 5
Day ??
(~5 hours later)
12:09 AM


Action:

1. The camera shows the moving heroes (from the left side of the entire area, then moves to the right). At the back of the march there is an ant on which they are sitting: Diablo on ant abdomen (looks closely), Mejson is asleep (he has a restless sleep and suddenly wakes up - he looks anxious), Candy holds the reins and looks ahead.

2. The said camera moves to the right. Delsin goes first, then MariogD (next to Delsin), followed by Bill. Camera zoom in on MariogD and Delsin. They're in the middle of a conversation (though it's more of bragging). MariogD proudly says: "I'm the fastest!" and continues, "I don't just shoot arrows..."

3. "I make it rain with arrows!" (MariogD means he shoots so fast his arrows look like a rain of arrows). Then he smiles. Delsin looks at him amused: "That's great and all, but..." (pauses), then adds: "That creepy-crawly's too dense to get your point across". Then he smile maliciously at MariogD. MariogD squint one's eyes, but quickly counters: "At least it doesn't take me all day to reload!".

4. Then he smile maliciously. Delsin looks up at him in surprise (shocked), then quickly replies: "Here we are!" and stops and points with his hand. The camera goes to the right (it passes the pot with the plant and the leaf on which you can get to the pot). You can see a wooden (old / moldy) wall (it's a large cabinet lying on the ground).

5. The camera moves up pretty quickly (along the wall). Then it stops at the top (on corner) of the cabinet. After a while, the camera goes back down to the flowerpot with MariogD (on a leaf). He is standing at the edge of a leaf holding a special (grappling arrow) arrow with rope that hangs down.

6. MariogD looks down happily and says, "Hold on, I can take care of this!". And then he looks seriously at his target, aims and shoots. The camera follows the arrow. The arrow flies and then lands on up cabinet. Unfortunately, it nudge the spider's web attached to the cabinet (the spider's thread is shaking).

7. Then it is jerked (possibly by MariogD), the arrow is blocks on cabinet's edge (with specific sound). The camera goes down to the heroes, they standing next to the rope. Bill approaches the rope with the intention of climbing first. On the left, however, he is overtaken by Diablo (he pushes him a bit).

8. Diablo is confident (his eyelids are slightly lowered). Bill is surprised for a moment and curse: "The fuck?!" and then squint one's eyes and says: "Yeah, you needed the head start anyways!" Diablo ignores these words and just smile (to himself). He's starting to climb. The camera switches to MariogD (he's standing in the same place).

9. He looks down (watched the situation) smiling for a moment. Then he looks up slowly, and after a while he squint one's eyes and says slow: "Holy shit....". Then he shudders with horror (he saw something terrible). After a while he regains his composure and realizes that the spider is going for Diablo (the rope is shaking and tempting the spider).

10. MariogD crouches down and screams down: "Look out!". Camera switches to Diablo. He's already at a certain height (on the rope). After a while, he stops and looks up. His expression changes dramatically. He starts descending the rope faster that he was climbing. The camera goes to Bill, he standing at the bottom.

11. He's turned towards MariogD and reacts loudly: "Huuuh?!". After that he looks up (at Diablo, who is still on the rope - quite high up) and reacts surprised: "Holy Shit!". He then turns left and lunges (like a soccer goalie). He disappears behind the left edge of the screen. Diablo flies from above (rope in hand) and hits the floor with <groans upon impact>. 

12. After a while a large spider falls on him (a rope is tangled in one of the spider's legs - the spider broke the rope), crushes him to the floor, and a moment later it sticks its poison teeth into Diablo's body (torso). (This is not an ordinary spider found in this climate). Diablo immediately convulses (his body is shaking), and after a while white foam comes out of his mouth. 

13. In the next moment Diablo is already dead (the last time he has impulsively muscle contractions). The camera quickly switches to MariogD, who screams: "Nooo!!!" and then furiously pulls out an arrow and shoots. The camera follows the arrow that sticks into the spider. Then two more arrows, which also do not make much impression on the spider.

14. From afar (above), MariogD's disappointment can be heard: "Fuck! It’s not working!". Then the arrow flies from the left side and hits the spider in one of the larger eyes (the eye bursts and blood spurts out). The spider shudders and makes a hissing noise (pain). The camera moves quickly to the left (a little).

15. Bill is standing (with the bow he just fired) smiling (pleased with himself). However, his joy is short-lived. The spider jumps on Bill (presses the hero to the ground), Bill curses: "Fuck off!". The only thing he managed to do was cover himself with an arch. Then he says firmly: "I'm ready this time, asshole!".

16. (Bill has a reinforced bow, so that it does not break - he learns from his mistakes). Suddenly a bullet from the Spear Gun (fired by Delsin) flies and hits the spider in the head. The spider shudders and makes a roar noise of dead. Bill is relieved. He takes a <deep breath>. Then it quickly slides down and freezes motionless. Suddenly, MariogD jumps from above with a spear in his hand (he has a bow on his back or he has left it).

17. The hero land on the spider with a crouch (furiously), then sticks a short spear (into the spider's body) and shouts: "Die!". Bill is calmed. He's squint one's eyes. Then he says in an irritated voice, "It's dead already...". MariogD looks at him in surprise. Bill continues looking down at his body, squirming: "Help out already, idiot!".

18. MariogD squint one's eyes and says concerned: "Don't move or you'll hurt yourself". The camera go to the left and shows a crouched Delsin. Mejson is running by him (he has a worried face). Delsin puts the ammo into the gun and reloads, then stands up and runs to the right as well. The camera follows him. Mejson and MariogD straighten up because they were lifting a heavy spider. 

19. Bill is crouched on one knee and stands up. MariogD looks at him thoughtfully and asks: "You alright?". Bill replies maliciously: "Of course I'm alright", then turns left and walks away. Mejson and Delsin watch it without saying a word. Mejson turns to the right and walks. MariogD does the same. Mejson walks over to Diablo's body and crouches down close to it. MariogD stops after him. Mejson in a sad voice says: “We lost another one…”. MariogD says: "He was a good man". 

20. Mejson goes on to say: “I never knew the guy, but still…”. MariogD puts a hand on his shoulder and replies: "Don't blame yourself...". Mejson gets up and turns to MariogD and replies: "At least he's with his brother now...". MariogD says: "Yea, Jimmy and Diablo are in a better place now..." and looks at him sadly. The camera go to the leaf (where MariogD stood before). Delsin is standing on it, squinting one's eyes, and after a while he says: "Something's moving over there!" (to himself). 

21. After a while, looking down (to MariogD and Mejson), he says: "Do you see that, guys?”. The camera goes left to Bill (he's alone). He's leaning against the left side of the pot. After a while he squint one's eyes, and then pulls back a piece of his clothing / armor. There is a scratch there. Bill looks worried and say: "Fuck...". Then he looks at the viewer. Blackout.


Light effect:

Normal (midday).


Dialogues:

MariogD: "I'm the fastest!"
MariogD: "I don't just shoot arrows..."
MariogD: "I make it rain with arrows!"
Delsin: "That's great and all, but..."
Delsin: "That creepy-crawly's too dense to get your point across"
MariogD: "At least it doesn't take me all day to reload!"
Delsin: "Here we are!"
MariogD: "Hold on, I can take care of this!"
Bill: "The fuck?!"
Bill: "Yeah, you needed the head start anyways!"
MariogD: "Holy shit...."
MariogD: "Look out!"
Bill: "Huuuh?!"
Bill: "Holy Shit!"
Diablo: <groans upon impact>
MariogD: "Nooo!!!"
MariogD: "Fuck! It’s not working!"
Bill: "Fuck off!"
Bill: "I'm ready this time, asshole!"
Bill: <Deep breath>
MariogD: "Die!"
Bill: "It's dead already..."
Bill: "Help out already, idiot!"
MariogD: "Don't move or you'll hurt yourself"
MariogD: "You alright?"
Bill: "Of course I'm alright"
Mejson: "We lost another one…"
MariogD: "He was a good man"
Mejson: "I never knew the guy, but still…"
MariogD: "Don't blame yourself..."
Mejson: "At least he's with his brother now..."
MariogD: "Yea, Jimmy and Diablo are in a better place now..."
Delsin: "Something's moving over there!"
Delsin: "Do you see that, guys?"
Bill: "Fuck..."

Tags:

9

Comments (6)

Bill was da best camper… rip

Yeah... one of the best (there is no point in discrediting the other campers XD).

What a scene. I think it will be the longest in our history. Good work @Mejson and @ChordC

This scene is indeed long, but it's also very good. I don't really have any revisions to make on it - only a possible addition, plus dialogue.

Since the survivors are dealing with a spider, perhaps we could see a little bit of "web action?" (I've been seeing a good deal of Maguire's Spider-Man lately...). Either in Scene 14, where MariogD is denied further cover fire to aid Bill because the spider shot his webs up there, prompting him to duck, or in Scene 15 when the spider turns away from Bill to both protect its remaining eyes while also pivoting its spinneret at Bill to shoot at him, perhaps at his foot to prevent him from running and make him vulnerable to another tackle?

Dialogue:

MariogD: "I'm the fastest!"

MariogD: "I’m not just shooting arrows..." -> "I don't just shoot arrows..."

MariogD: "I make a rain of arrows!" -> "I make it rain with arrows!"

Delsin: "That’s cool, but…" -> "That's great and all, but..."

Delsin: "That creepy-crawly’s not that impressed..." -> "That creepy-crawly's too dense to get your point across." (Some double-layering to that joke, if you get me)

MariogD: "At least it doesn't take me all day to reload!" -> "When it's a job for the slow-ass snail, I'll let you know."/"At least I don't take a week to get ready!" (1st statement is more or less a counter-joke; the 2nd is something more akin to your original line. You can pick either... Or neither too ^^)

Delsin: "Here we are!"

MariogD: "Hold on, I can take care of this!"

Bill: "The fuck?!"

Bill: "Yea, climb faster you fat-ass!" -> "Yeah, you needed the head start anyways!"/"Could you at least climb like there's donuts up there for you, fatass?"

MariogD: "Holy shit...."

MariogD: "Look out!"

Bill: "Huuuh?!"

Bill: "Holy Shit!"

Diablo: <groans upon impact>

MariogD: "Nooo!!!"

MariogD: "Fuck! It’s not working!"

Bill: "Fuck off!"

Bill: "I'm ready this time, asshole!"

Bill: <Deep breath>

MariogD: "Die!"

Bill: "It's dead already..."

Bill: "Help me out, you idiot!" -> "Help out already, idiot!"

MariogD: "Don't move or you'll hurt yourself"

MariogD: "You alright?"

Bill: "Of course I'm alright"

Mejson: "We lost another one…"

MariogD: "He was a good man"

Mejson: "I never knew the guy, but still…"

MariogD: "Don't blame yourself..."

Mejson: "Sometimes I thought so…" -> "Nobody that does know him are aware he's dead now."

(MariogD: "That means we must live to let them know. Know the truth.") (Consider adding this line to kickstart the team's newfound attempt to put purpose back into Mejson's life and reinvigorate his morale with something worth fighting for. Mejson would reflect for a moment, which would be disturbed by Delsin's next line)

Delsin: "Something is moving there" -> "Something's moving over there!"

Delsin: "Hey! You see that over there?" -> "Do you see that, guys?"

Bill: "Fuck..."

Gosh, very nice idea / addition, but I don't feel like I can do something like that. I also have my limitations, although I know that in animation I am already amazing. I don't want to risk. 'Reduce 3' will be hard enough to do. :/

Thank you for your ideas and help / improvement of the dialogues. :)

Mejson: "Sometimes I thought so…" -> "Nobody that does know him are aware he's dead now."

@Animetion24, in Mejson's statement, we meant that he blamed himself for Diablo's death. His family is dead now - Jimmy was his brother. They have no one else. Maybe Mejson should say, "At least he's with his brother now..."

(MariogD: "That means we must live to let them know. Know the truth.") (Consider adding this line to kickstart the team's newfound attempt to put purpose back into Mejson's life and reinvigorate his morale with something worth fighting for. Mejson would reflect for a moment, which would be disturbed by Delsin's next line)

And MariogD should reply: "Yea, Jimmy and Diablo are in a better place now..."

@Animetion24, what do you think about it?

@Mejson I'm understanding better. Thanks for the elaboration.

Yeah, the revision to acknowledge Jimmy in the conversation sounds excellent.

Thanks, great! I understood there aren't any errors anymore.

Really getting intense now! Long but good, and wonder what'll happen to Bill...

Thanks! You will soon find out :P