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Mejson
FLASH WILL NEVER DIE WHILE WE'RE ALIVE!

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Reduce 3 - Scene 6 (Planning/Draft)

Posted by Mejson - October 5th, 2021


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Welcome everyone!


Recently I had a lot of activities and I'm also trying to find time to ride a bike: P Well, to the point... it's time for another Poster! <fanfares> This is quite an important scene because two new characters appear in it! :)


Thank you @ChordC for your help with dialogues!


What do you think about it, @Cyberdevil@Animetion24@ChordC@MariogD@SayMeBott?


Regards,

Mejson


Scene 6 - Salvation

Inscription (on black background):

Episode 6
Day 29
(~3 hours later)
3:04 PM


Action:

1. The camera shows the left side of the plant pot (as the previous scene ended), but instead of Bill, a spider cocoon is leaning against the pot. And another one is on the ground a little to the left. Then Bill and Mejson come from the right (camera zoom on heroes). They are carrying the third cocoon. Bill walks backwards on the left.

2. Bill says first: "This is heavy". Mejson scolds him - he has a serious face and is in a bad mood (Bill is sloppy): "Watch out!". Bill looks at him and squint one's eyes, but he's afraid to swear and just says (as if to himself) without looking Mejson in the eye: "Okay, okay...". The heroes walk up and put a cocoon between the other two.

3. Mejson says prophylactically: "Careful!". Bill shrugs (he has the same expression) and then crosses him arms over his chest. Mejson squint one's eyes and looks around at the cocoons then approaches the cocoon leaning against the plant pot. Mejson pulls out a knife (held on his forearm) with the intention of cutting the cocoon.

4. Bill smirks spitefully (to himself). Mejson already holding the knife up to cut when he hears Bill's sarcastic voice: "Careful...". Mejson stops motionless for a moment, raising his eyebrow for a moment, and then carefully cuts the cocoon. Then he hides the knife, and then with both hands he opens the cut edges of the cocoon (the cut edges of the cocoon are shown).

5. Then Mejson straightens up and puts his hand to his chin (ponders), then looks at the contents of the cocoon (from top to bottom, then up). Then he says as if to himself: "I think that's the agent". Bill approaches with interest (his expression is cheerful). He stands behind Mejson and looks, then says, "Yes, that's him".

6. Suddenly, the new hero half leaps out of the cocoon (grabs his hands on his sides). Mejson and Bill react by natural flinch in surprise (they have shocked faces) and then watch in amazement. Mr. Mate takes a <deep breath> and then breathes in with his mouth open for a moment and blinks quickly. His eyes are narrowed and motionless.

7. After a while he curses: "Holy shit!" and adds: "EEKKK! That’s gross!". Then he calms down and looks at Mejson. Mejson sees that he have Mr. Mate's attention, so he asks: "What happened?". Mr. Mate replies, still irritated: "That asshole sent a dozen mercenaries to catch one guy!".

8. Then he continues: "I took out most of them before I was cornered". Bill says interested: "Not too shabby!" Mejson ignores Bill's words and continues: "How did you end up in that coffin?".

9. Mr. Mate is pissing off again: "It’s that fucking spider! The one he experimented on!". Mejson looks sad and looks down, then says sadly: "Yeah. We lost a good man to that abomination". Mr. Mate calms down and says: "My condolences". After a moment of silence, Mr. Mate asks: "Now, can you get this thing off of me?". Mejson cheer up and says: "Of course!".

10. Mejson helps Mr. Mate out of the cocoon. Mr. Mate grabs Mejson's hand and gets him out. Mr. Mate says: "Much appreciated". Then Mejson turns to Bill and says calmly: "Get him something to eat". Bill says indifferently: "Alright, come here". Bill goes to the left and is followed by Mr. Mate. Mejson calmly watches them both disappear behind the left edge of the screen.

11. Mejson approaches the second cocoon and crouches. While cutting the cocoon, Mejson says to himself: "Now who do we have here?". Mejson examines the contents of the cocoon and then says: "Are you alive?". Mejson make sad face. Next Mejson squint one's eyes and says to himself: "What might this be?". Then he bends over and pulls out a military shovel.

12. Suddenly, a hand from inside the cocoon grips the shovel tightly and Mejson hear a tired voice (of the hero from inside): "What are you doing with my Shevy?". Mejson shudders in surprise, releases the shovel and responds: "Whaaat?". Bott* sits down helped himself with the shovel. He looks quite weak (he's exhausted).

13. After a while, Bott* looks at the shovel and says: "Are you okay my darling?". He's smiling. Mejson raises his eyebrows, squint one's eyes and asks with worring: "Are you okay?". Bott* looks at Mejson and replies: "Yeah. Just need to catch my breath". Mejson responds: "Okaaay". Next Mejson reaches out to him and helps him stand up.

14. Then Bott* looks down at the spade, strokes it and says: "Shh, all is well my dear. Everything will be just fine". Mejson scratches his head and asks anxiously: "Are you sure... you're okay?". Bott* looks at Mejson suspiciously, squint one's eyes and asks: "Yea… why’d you ask?". Mejson looks down at the ground lowering his hand and says: "No reason".

15. The camera moves to the right (to the other side of the plant pot). There are only single fragments left of the spider's body (they had been used well). Right next to it (in front of the body) there is a small fire. And in front of the fire (on the right) there are spider fangs on a small leaf. And right next to it there is a small wooden mortar.

16. MariogD is kneeling in front of this (on one knee). He takes out an arrow and dips it in a mortar. Then he pulls it out and looks at it (the tip is purple). MariogD watches the poison drop (also purple) runs down over arrow, then smiles ominously and says, "It will be so tasty!". Right next to it (on the bow stand) there is a new (fancy) MariogD bow.

17. The camera go up (to the leaf). Delsin is standing on it, holding his big gun (spear gun). He looks around (because he keeps order) - he looks up and to the sides. After a while, the camera go to the starting location (this scene). There is no one for a moment (just a cocoon). Then Mejson comes from the left side to the cocoon.

18. He is crouching beside it. He cuts it carefully, he's excited. Mejson opens the cocoon and looks inside. Next he shudders and swears in disgust: "What the fuck?!". Mejson closes his eye for a moment and calms down. With a sad voice he says to herself: "This one wasn't so lucky...". Mejson puts his hand on the cocoon, lowering his head (bends a little) and closing his eye then he adds: "Rest in peace".

19. The camera goes to the left. There is a fire on which a spider's leg is baked. On the right, Mr. Mate is sitting with his back against the stone. He is eagerly eating a piece of meat. Bill is sitting on the rock on the left. He is smoking a cigar (as is his habit). In front of the fire, there is Bott* on the bed. He is asleep, and he is holding his shovel in his hands.

20. Suddenly he says in his sleep: "My beloved Shevy". Suddenly Bill squint one's eyes, then grabs his head with both hands. He releases the cigar from his mouth. A moment later he gets up and takes a few steps to the left, then faints. Mr. Mate asks in surprise: "Hey, you alright?".

21. The camera goes to the left. The ant is standing. By default, it reins are attached to a wooden pole that is stuck into the ground nearby. Started dialogue from other heroes in off-screen. Candy is crouched on one knee with an open (primitive) bag made of leaves in front of him. Candy looks around (from side to side and backwards).

22. He then reaches for the object next to his leg (the object was being hided by Candy). He gently picks up the object and watches it for a moment and smiles. It's a spider's egg. Then he puts it in the bag and closes the bag. Blackout.


Light effect:

Normal (midday).


Dialogues:

Bill: "This is heavy"
Mejson: "Watch out!"
Bill: "Okay, okay..."
Mejson: "Careful!"
Bill: "Careful..."
Mejson: "I think that's the agent"
Bill: "Yes, that's him"
Mr. Mate: <deep breath>
Mr. Mate: "Holy shit!"
Mr. Mate: "EEKKK! That’s gross!"
Mejson: "What happened?"
Mr. Mate: "That asshole sent a dozen mercenaries to catch one guy!"
Mr. Mate: "I took out most of them before I was cornered"
Bill: "Not too shabby!"
Mejson: "How did you end up in that coffin?"
Mr. Mate: "It’s that fucking spider! The one he experimented on!"
Mejson: "Yeah. We lost a good man to that abomination"
Mr. Mate: "My condolences"
Mr. Mate: "Now, can you get this thing off of me?"
Mejson: "Of course!"
Mr. Mate: "Much appreciated"
Mejson: "Get him something to eat"
Bill: "Alright, come here"
Mejson: "Now who do we have here?"
Mejson: "Are you alive?"
Mejson: "What might this be?"
Bott*: "What are you doing with my Shevy?"
Mejson: "Whaaat?"
Bott*: "Are you okay my darling?"
Mejson: "Are you okay?"
Bott*: "Yeah. Just need to catch my breath"
Mejson: "Okaaay"
Bott*: "Shh, all is well my dear. Everything will be just fine"
Mejson: "Are you sure... you're okay?"
Bott*: "Yea… why’d you ask?"
Mejson: "No reason"
MariogD: "It will be so tasty!"
Mejson: "What the fuck?!"
Mejson: "This one wasn't so lucky..."
Mejson: "Rest in peace"
Bott*: "My beloved Shevy"
Mr. Mate: "Hey, you alright?"


Dialogue (part with Candy) when the campfire (other heroes) is off-screen:

Mejson: "What happened?"
Mr. Mate: "I don't know... he just... collapsed"
Mejson: "Bill, what's going on?"
Mejson: "Bill?!"
MariogD: "What are you doing?"
MariogD: "Why is he on the ground?"
Mejson: "I don't know!"
MariogD: "Bill, can you hear me?!"
MariogD: "What's wrong with you?!"
MariogD: "Say something!"

Tags:

7

Comments

I feel like more dialogue needs to be added when the camera shows Candy. Then it should be hear (a bit quieter) like Mejson and Mr Mate and then MariogD react to Bill's faint / they check what happened to him / try to wake him up.

Do you think so too? :P

It does sound like the perfect distraction (for the plot progression) to have a little background exclamation in particular when Candy brings out the spider egg, Everybody paying attention to Bill instead, even the vigilant Delsin. Some "what happened? are you alright? what's going on?" in the distance?

One bit of dialog I think could be improved, with the: "Yea… why’d you ask?". Mejson looks down at the ground lowering his hand and says: "Nothing" ...maybe "Nevermind" or "No reason" instead of Nothing?

Also the forty mercenaries bit... forty mercenaries?! That's a looot of mercenaries.

Hard to grasp Bill's character lately hmm. He seems nicer this time again.

Nice part. Really a lot of things going on with this one. Plenty of surprises.

Yes, together with @ChordC, we updated this end :)

Ok, so "No reason" :P

Yesss! Hehehehe XD XD XD Crazy / freak Bott :P

Thanks! It's a joint effort and the result of the entire team!

Dialogue (part with Candy) when the campfire (other heroes) is off-screen:

Mejson: "What happened?"
Mr Mate: "I don't know... he just... collapsed"
Mejson: "Bill, what's the matter with you?"
Mejson: "Bill?!"
MariogD: "What are you doing?"
MariogD: "Why is he on the ground?"
Mejson: "I don't know!"
MariogD: "Bill, can you hear me?!"
MariogD: "What's wrong with you?!"
MariogD: "Say something!"

Woah! This is my time! :D

- 8. in my opinion 'or-or', never 'both'
- 18. "Rest in pieces" - there is no mistake? Is this a special trick?
- There always was 'Bott*' no 'Bott' :P

Yes, it's your time :P Bott* time! :D

- 8. Yeah, I think so too, well... I'm curious what @Animetion24 will say.
- 18. Yes, but I will change Mejson's behavior to be more appropriate.
- of course my friend :) I will correct this :P

@Mejson - @SayMeBott and @ChordC are right. You have to choose one in 8.
IMO it should be 'rest in peace'
We know that is Bott* but it should be pronounce without * at the end. Is it only for written purpose?

Yes, yes, we will definitely choose one.
Yes, it is for special.
Bott* wants with '*', so it will be like this! :P

Woah! It is even longer that earlier. For me scene is fantastic. Can't wait to see it.

No kidding! XD Average scene length should be 66 seconds :P

@Mejson I like so much there off-screen dialogues. Perfect idea!

Yes! That's great - that's why no one noticed what Candy was doing. XD

Mejson: "What the Fack?!"
Should it be 'what the fuck'?

Well, apparently a typo.

Ok I understand that @ChordC (Mr. Mate) will be a killer man but forty is quite big number. I don't know maybe dozen will be more realistic?

Right, we'll cut it down to a smaller one. Up to 12 to be exact, because you can use 'dozen' :) Great!

@MariogD this star ' * ' at the end is obligatory. Its Bott* in written, and Bot in speech.

Ok, no problem XD Mr. Bott *... Mr. you are not nervous :P Hehehe

@MariogD @Mejson That's right, Im little princess! :3

Buhehehehehehe XD Nice!

"I dealt with half of them before they caught me" (add / or) "They thought they could handle me easily!"

I will be inclined to 2 because I don't want to say how many he killed / defeated because it will be shown (dream - Mr. Mate's flashback).

If you do opt for just one of those it feels like "I dealt with half of them before they caught me" probably explains the situation more, maybe the other line's not so necessary if there's no room for it.

Nice additional dialog too for the final part.

Sounds perfect. :)

Exactly... I don't want to inform how many people... this text wastes it :/

Thanks!

Another great scene too. I don't have any revisions except for dialogue.

Bill: "This is heavy"

Mejson: "Watch out!"

Bill: "Okay, okay..."

Mejson: "Careful!"

Bill: "Careful..."

Mejson: "I think that's the agent"

Bill: "Yes, that's him"

Mr. Mate: <deep breath>

Mr. Mate: "Holy shit!"

Mr. Mate: "EEKKK! That’s gross!"

Mejson: "What happened?"

Mr. Mate: "That asshole sent dozen mercenaries for one guy!" -> "That asshole sent a dozen mercenaries to kill one guy!"

Mr. Mate: "I dealt with half of them before they caught me" + "They thought they could handle me easily!" -> "I took out half of them before I was cornered." (I too don't think the 2nd half is necessary if the 1st half exposits more details about what went down, telling us that Mr. Mate is pretty formidable and shouldn't be underestimated.)

Bill: "Nice!" -> "Not too shabby!"

Mejson: "How did you end up in that coffin?"

Mr. Mate: "It’s that fucking spider! The one he experimented on!"

Mejson: "Yes… we lost a man because of this abomination" -> "Yeah. We lost a good man to that abomination."

Mr. Mate: "My condolences"

Mr. Mate: "Can you get this thing off of me?" -> "Now, can you get this thing off of me?"

Mejson: "Of course!"

Mr. Mate: "Appreciate it" -> "Much appreciated."

Mejson: "Get him something to eat"

Bill: "Okay, come here" -> "Alright, come here."

Mejson: "Now who do we have here?"

Mejson: "You alive?" -> "Are you alive?"

Mejson: "What do we have here?" -> "What might this be?"

Bott*: "What are you doing with my Shevy?"

Mejson: "Whaaat?"

Bott*: "Are you okay my darling?"

Mejson: "Are you okay?"

Bott*: "Yea... I'm just a little tired" -> "Yeah. Just need to catch my breath."

Mejson: "Okaaay"

Bott*: "Shhh, it's ok my love. Everything will be just fine" -> "Shh, all is well my dear. Everything will be just fine."

Mejson: "Are you sure... you're okay?"

Bott*: "Yea… why’d you ask?"

Mejson: "No reason"

MariogD: "It will be so tasty!"

Mejson: "What the fuck?!"

Mejson: "This one’s not so lucky…" -> "This one wasn't so lucky..."

Mejson: "Rest in pieces" -> "Rest in peace."

Bott*: "My beloved Shevy"

Mr. Mate: "What's the matter, dude?" -> "Hey, you alright?"

Mejson: "What happened?"

Mr. Mate: "I don't know... he just... collapsed"

Mejson: "Bill, what's the matter with you?" -> "Bill, what's going on?"

Mejson: "Bill?!"

MariogD: "What are you doing?"

MariogD: "Why is he on the ground?"

Mejson: "I don't know!"

MariogD: "Bill, can you hear me?!"

MariogD: "What's wrong with you?!"

MariogD: "Say something!"

Thanks for the corrections and help! As always, your help is inseparable. :D

The only changes to these dialogues are:
"That asshole sent a dozen mercenaries to catch one guy!" (they are not meant to kill him).
"I took out most of them before I was cornered." ("most" of them due to the planned scene in the future).

@Animetion24 I like this suggestions - sounds more.. eee... spontaneous? No matter, I like them anyway.

More natural and appropriate :)

I'm closing and approving this scene!

Heeey it's been a while now, wonder if everything's alright? Just busy with work?

Hi, all is well. I hang out with my buddies, ride a bike and it was the end of the sprint (a lot of work). It's cool, I've been writing a scene since yesterday (it always takes me two days) and I have to write a little more. :P

Today I'm going to discuss dialogs with @ChordC :) (I hope he will be not busy).

PS. I have to audition your October music season :P Did you add anything in the lyrics about Reduce? :D

@Cyberdevil hey there, I have been busy with college work, things have calmed down a bit today, so I think I can talk with @Mejson today. Hope things are going well with you as well @Cyberdevil

Cool! In 15 minutes I will contact you on Discord :D I just... forgot to ask how are you, @Cyberdevil XD

Good to hear. :) After the so very frequent updates before this you just start to wonder. Take your time! Ahh no lyrics about Reduce yet no, but it is noted. XD Maybe next week!

Cool, the notion of rushing doesn't exist for me. Because when I write planning, I have a lot of thoughts and ideas. It's also known that we improving it with you.

Cool, can't wait to hear!

@ChordC Good to hear. :) It's alright here too, has been a little hectic earlier but I think I'm starting to catch up with the important stuff. Looking forward to seeing what you come up with regarding the dialog!

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